andsuddenlydynamite | (no subject)

"I don't get it either... I mean I was outta school for four years and I still know more than all the teachers, so I just skip a lot."

He laughed a little, it wasn't his usual hearty laugh, but it was a laugh.

"I figured. It's not like you're really registered or anything in my world, so I don't see why you would. If there's anything you need to know about it, I could probably teach you anyway."

It was good to be able to talk about something that given the situation, was totally unimportant, but it was a shred of normalcy. Hopefully it would ease Ryuutaro. Hayato knew he would have to keep that gap open for a bit more for his boyfriend. The less he knew the better off he would be. If he couldn't see the damage then it couldn't change him, if Hayato could just keep showing Ryuutaro all the good things... then it would all be alright!

"I don't see why I would, but then again, even I can't predict all possible situations in the future. I've never even entered a public school, so maybe I've missed out on something important. I consider it unlikely."
Yes, even if school had been mandatory in Beyblade world, Ryuutaro would've probably gotten a private teacher. He used to be a spoiled kid like that.

And he actually didn't know about the things taught in school. He knew writing and reading and magic, it was all he needed. Maths outside of beyblade physics for example was something that he had remained completely oblivious of in his life. He'd just never needed these things.

"I could... teach you how to speak Italian.... erm... if you wanted."

It was a bit of a bold offer on his part. He didn't figure Ryuutaro cared much for his native language. He hadn't really expressed much interest in his culture other than how it pertained directly to Hayato. It was probably stupid for him to ask. It was a ballsy move on his part after all. He chuckles nervously and looks off to the side.

"Or maybe I could try to teach you somethin' useful instead..."

It was true, Ryuutaro's interest in foreign cultures was extremely low, an exception only made for the regional fortune-telling methods.
Italian... It always sounded so foreign to Ryuutaro's ears, he knew he'd be embarrassing himself a lot trying to speak it. Reading a menu was already hard enough.
But then again, it had always been bothering how he couldn't understand a word of the Italian things Hayato said sometimes. Having at least a basic grasp on the language would make him less of an outsider to Hayato's origin.

"I suppose knowing the essentials of your language would be convenient.."
If he doesn't embarrass himself trying. Which he would. The dark, dark side of this. Maybe understand would be enough?

And from just that little agreement alone was enough to make his face light up. He knew what Ryuutaro was like. For him to agree to this, to take in a part of his own culture, it made Hayato feel a bit closer to him. There had always been a bit of a cultural gap between them, Hayato was only able to clumsily integrate into normal Japanese culture after all. Though considering he went from life on the streets a world away only to get thrown into the life of a relatively normal life in such an old established culture. He had made strides in it, but in all honesty he was FAR from ever fitting in. It was a tough thing to admit but the turmoil and violence of this time was far more natural to him than his regular life in Japan.

But if Ryuutaro learned maybe a little bit about where he came from... then he wouldn't have to try and hold so much of it back. It would be so nice to have just a little bit of familiarity, even if it was something as simple as his language He didn't care how poorly Ryuutaro spoke it.

"All we have to do is hold out a little longer... then everything can go back to normal!"

Ryuutaro nodded and smiled. He didn't feel good now, but better, a lot better than just a few moments ago. Even if he didn't know what 'normal' was in this world, it seemed like a good enough thing to look forward to.

"We've been holding out through all those months at the Manor, I'd be surprised if we couldn't this time."

If they talked like this he couldn't help but just push aside everything cruel he'd seen earlier and be exited about settling down into a new world. It was a thrilling thought as long as he didn't think about the complete lack of Beyblades.

And for the moment Hayato was happy. Happy enough to lean over the table to give Ryuutaro a kiss.

Things remained relatively good for the next few days at least. Hayato continued to smile through, despite the growing pressure from his failure after each day he did his best to act like everything was fine. Until eventually the stress from his failures made it impossible for him to keep up with his 'I'm fine' routine. He stopped eating and essentially locked himself in the library, refusing to respond to anyone on the other side of the door. He was working on his second day of solitude.

Tsuna had finished his training for the day and thought it would be a wise point to go see how Hayato was doing. He knew how... erm... Hayato could be. Say everything was fine then nearly get himself killed training. Completely oblivious to Hayato's stay in the library...

Ryuutaro didn't know how to feel and his own uncertainity bothered him almost as much as the world in itself. What was happening to Hayato though was a whole other thing and Ryuutaro couldn't help, but be scared.
It was natural, he could've seen it coming and yet he somehow found no real way to do anything about it.
He could foresee the future again, which was always a bonus, but to his displeasure, he still couldn't make visions appear exactly as he needed them. His general 'good-or-bad-black-or-white'-knowledge didn't do in this place, right now they needed specific information and he really couldn't give it.

It wasn't that Ryuutaro felt a specific desire to be useful to anybody. He wanted to get out of here and return this place to whatever normal was as much as the next person, but that wasn't the point.
He was just feeling powerless, no matter how hard he tried to get better. It didn't surprise him. He knew how much work getting better at anything could take and special or not, he needed to put it into things as much as anybody else. Ryuutaro had never been one to assume he'd just be able to do something, even though he acted like it.

And Hayato... Ryuutaro sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. At the moment he sat in front of the library. He needed time to think about how he could help Hayato get over this, because this was killing them both slowly. He needed to put a stop to this.
But he didn't have the time and there was no way he could buy it. And maybe.... even if he had it, he wouldn't be able to... Ryuutaro stopped this train of thought immediately.

He stood up and decided to walk for a bit. This wasn't outside, the sky was nowhere in sight, so it wouldn't help him at all, but maybe if he kept his eyes fixed on the ground mostly he could pretend that there was sky above him and not just a ceiling that felt like it would crush down on him with all it's weight.

That was when he run into Tsuna. Because of all people here, it just had to be this person. The 'Tenth', oh yes, of course. Ryuutaro didn't have a specific problem with him, but that still did for some unresolved wavering problem nobody could put a finger on.

"Good day", he greeted formally.

Tsuna smiles cheerfully at Ryuutaro... but then his face turned a bit worried. He had been so taken in by training he wasn't aware of what was going on with Gokudera. The few times Tsuna had entered the kitchen he usually fell asleep before he even finished his food, and obviously missed Gokudera's absence... and now here was Ryuutaro... without Gokudera.

"Where's Gokudera... he's usually with you, isn't he? Reborn sent me to check on him..."

Straight to the point. At least Tsuna could get that right, even though it only annoyed him further at the moment. His face didn't show anything of it though. Instead he smirked his usual smirk, giving away nothing of what was going on inside of him.

"He's in the library, if you want to go looking for him. But I'm afraid I have to warn you, fortune might not be with you when you talk to him. He's not... very communicative these days. But since it's you maybe things are different?"

"Not very communicative?" Tsuna's face takes on an almost exasperated look, mixed with a good deal of his usual ~~derp~~ insecurity, "H-he's doing that thing again isn't he? Where he pushes himself too hard?"

And he starts heading toward the library, obviously this had been some sort of concern... and not the first time he's pulled a stunt like this. Tsuna himself appeared to be both worried and a bit tired of Gokudera's antics. Lord knows what he's gone and done this time...

And squatting in front of the library peeking into the keyhole is Yamamoto, looking cheerful as ever, in his full kendo garb, clearly having just finished as well.

"I suppose you could very well describe it as 'that thing'", Ryuutaro replied, following Tsuna back to the library. He didn't mean to leave for longer than a few minutes anyway, he'd just needed his head cleared.

...

...and another person. Another reason Ryuutaro really wanted to get out of this underground-place. It was crowded.

"Is there anything interesting to see?", he asked sweetly, because concern or not this was spying on his boyfriend and honestly, Ryuutaro was not amused.

Yamamoto looked over, simply beaming and starts to wave the two over to come check something out, but there's a moment. Tsuna stops right in his tracks and Yamamoto's grin is wiped clean off his face as a sudden wave of heat comes off the wall of the library. Yamamoto bolts towards Ryuutaro and Tsuna and tackles them both to the ground just as the entire front wall of the library is blows through by a massive wave of red storm flames.

In the smoking aftermath, there are a few flashes of light as Gokudera recalls his weapon, however an angry cat yowling can be heard.

"There I got it... now I just got to find a way to explain this little guy to the boss..."

And the smoke clears, revealing a dirty, tired Gokudera. His glasses are broken and half hanging off his face, his hair has been tussled up, and a familiar feline is clinging to his head possessively. Clearly he wasn't even aware anyone was nearby.

Ryuutaro untangled from the other two boys as quickly as he possibly good and his first proper action afterwards is crawling away.
Only after that is done, he turned to look at Hayato. With Uri.

So he did it. So he really did it, after all this time. For a moment Ryuutaro was just relieved. Everything needed to turn out right now, there was not a single bit of doubt.
With the relief came a desire to just run over to Hayato, press against him, then put him to bed...

But no. What did he even think? Leaving everybody hanging like this, doing stupid things, making him worry, leaving him basically on his own in this horrible, hateable place?
Suddenly Ryuutaro'd pride didn't allow him to move a single inch towards Hayato. How could he? He was such an idiot sometimes!

... and then there was this part of him which he desperately wanted to ignore. The one who still couldn't believe that this world, this weird, horrible place, was going to be his homeworld.
And who told him Hayato wouldn't do this more often? Tsunayoshi had seemed used to it. And he knew perfectly well how Hayato could be.... how he was most of the time actually.
This was... stupid. And just a bit too much to take.

The different feelings and urges just crashed down on Ryuutaro like he expected the ceiling to do earlier.
He knew, if he did anything now, it'd be stupid.
So Ryuutaro remained where he was, doing nothing at all in a desperate try to seem composed and get himself together already.

"G-Gokudera-kun?"

Tsuna just looked up at Gokudera, quite frazzled about the whole... library exploding thing... and getting tackled... and now random cat on fire.

And Hayato turns around to see the trio staring up at him, and he just stands there in awkward surprise.

"U-uh hey bo- AGH!"

And of course, that foul tempered cat makes a go at his face. It takes him s a few moments to peel her off and throw her off to the side, glaring DAGGERS at her. He was tired and his mood was a touch temperamental... well, more so than usual, and he turns back to the group. Noting Ryuutaro's look in particular. He knew his boyfriend was going to be furious with him, and he couldn't blame him for it. But he didn't regret his decision. This was something he had to do... even if it meant he had to hurt Ryuutaro, which broke his heart to even THINK about, but he would rather have a justifiably angry boyfriend, than a dead one. So he turned to Tsuna again, though now his tone is a bit meek.

"Uh, Boss, can I meet you in the kitchen in a bit, I'll tell you all about it then..."

Tsuna looked from Gokudera, to Ryuutaro, and back to Gokudera and just nodded, pulled Yamamoto off to the kitchen.

~~They gone Ryuutaro! Now's your change to drag him to the bedroom to UNLEASH THE BEAST!~~

At least they were alone now. It made Ryuutaro feel a tiny bit better. Keeping this between them gave him a bit of safety. Then again it meant that there was no distraction, no escape at all.

The fortune-teller still had no idea how to feel, but he stood up at least, without moving over to Hayato though.

"You did it", he said, "I'm glad."

It came out a bit toneless though. He just couldn't make up his mind about a single thing right now. It wasn't a lie though. If not anything else, at least he was telling the truth.

"Th-thanks..." His words came out awkwardly, and he glanced off to the side a bit, "Ryuutaro I... I..."

I didn't mean to leave you alone, I didn't mean to hurt you, either of those would have worked. But the shame just weighed so heavily on him, words didn't seem to work right. He was just so expecting Ryuutaro to lash out at him for what he did, and not getting it... or any reaction for that matter, felt even worse. The anticipation just crushed him to the point where he couldn't wait for Ryuutaro to make a move any longer. He quickly drops to his hands and knees and slams his forehead into the ground. Luckily he's somewhat gotten over the repeated mashing into the ground, but the initial impact was probably a bit rough, and he is grinding his forehead into the ground as hard as he can.

"RYUUTARO I'M SORRY! I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY!"

This head-smashing did have it's effect on Ryuutaro. It was really hard to stay angry, when Hayato did it, but right now his anger didn't vanish, just melt a bit.
Ryuutaro now moved over to Hayato rather quickly, sitting down in front of him.
"I'm aware of that", he commented and his voice was a bit softer than before, "Please stop this, you're already worn enough..."

He knew and understood why Hayato did all this... but it didn't make a thing about it better. Sometimes Ryuutaro missed the times when he was harder and only thinking and feeling for himself, not them both.
Maybe this little display of worry would calm Hayato down. Hopefully. Because Ryuutaro really didn't know what he wanted to say at all.

Hayato peeled his head off the floor and looked up at Ryuutaro, almost pleadingly for a moment. But then he turned his gaze down to the floor, weighed down by his own shame. If he had been stronger he wouldn't have had to push Ryuutaro away like that... he wouldn't have had to hurt him. If he wasn't so damn pathetic all the damn time...

What's worse is that he didn't know what Ryuutaro wanted him to do. If he wanted him to go away... as much as he didn't want to right now he would, or if he wanted him to stay, he would also do so, even if it was just to be yelled at... but this uncertainty was crushing. He needed to know what Ryuutaro wanted, he needed some sort of direction to go.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I.... I'm not.... I don't know, honestly", it came out weaker than he wanted it to.
Hayato was not the only one who felt pathetic in this moment. Ryuutaro wished he was stronger, he wished he'd seen the sky sometimes in those last days, he wished this was a world where he had something to hold on to, that wasn't Hayato, some sort of safety.
He loved Hayato, that was a thing he was more sure of than anything else, and even if it meant to leave everything he knew, he wasn't going to ever give him up. That much was sure.

The problem wasn't even really Hayato. He could've overlooked all this so much easier, if he had his own life. He wanted it, desperately. Just being an addition to Hayato's for the past days had weakened him so much.

Hayato looked back up at Ryuutaro, surprised by the unsure tone. Surprised and heartbroken. He had hurt Ryuutaro so much more than he had thought, his whole world had. This place... it was hurting everyone, but at least Hayato and everyone else had seen this world at it's best, Ryuutaro never got that opportunity. Out of everyone here he had to be hurting the most.

Very slowly Hayato held his arms out to Ryuutaro, like he wanted to touch him, but was afraid the other boy might be too angry at him to want any sort of physical contact with him. But Hayato wanted to just hold him so badly, hold him and try to make all his pain go away. He bit his lip nervously, and decided to go onto his next nervous habit whenever he noticed there was something wrong with Ryuutaro: try to feed him.

"A-are you hungry? We could go get something in the kitchen..."

If he hadn't felt downright terrible, Ryuutaro might have laughed at this offer. It was so typical and silly, that it was comforting again.
But he shook his head. He wasn't hungry and other people were in the kitchen... He didn't feel like seeing these people. Even if he knew he should adapt to them as they were going to be his company, he just couldn't. It wasn't them. It was they're existence in this place.

"Thanks, but I'm afraid, no, thanks", he replied silently, looking at Hayato and his open arms.
A part of him wanted to get away, but there was no place to go at. If he had been able to go outside he would've went there and returned when he felt more normal again, but this possibility just didn't exist.
So instead he leaned forward- still expressionless- until his head rested against Hayato's shoulders.

He hated himself for this obvious display of weakness, when he should be strong, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was tired, so very tired of this.

Hayato just held the boy he loved tightly in his arms. He had never seen him like this. So... broken... no... he had seen this once before, when he had been locked away in that cell. Hayato nuzzled his face into Ryuutaro's hair, kissing it. He had failed as Ryuutaro's crutch... as his pillar. He failed the boy he loved who had always supported him when he needed it. Well... may it wasn't do late. There had to be SOMETHING he could do....

"Ryuutaro... what can I do to make this better? Please, tell me, I'll do anything... anything at all..."

All tenseness seemed to fade from Ryuutaro's body, he leaned against Haytao, completely limb, as if any muscle in his body had disappeared. The boy laughed weakly.

"It's not you... you don't need to do anything about something that's not really your fault."

This was about him. His life. And the worst wave of insecurity he'd ever gone through in his life.

This hurt. Ryuutaro was in so much pain. This was all his fault, he knew Ryuutaro would have been better off with someone else. Someone safer...

"It is my fault... I wasn't strong enough. I-If I had been stronger then I could have been with you." He holds him tighter. "But I did it... j-just a few more days here then we can go home... So please..."

And then there's a sniff as Hayato tries to fight back tears in his eyes. Seeing Ryuutaro so weak like this scared him. If he couldn't fall back on Ryuutaro for support... then... he had to do what he did before. He had to hold it all inside. No one could know he was scared, that he was weak... not even Ryuutaro. He at least owed it to Ryuutaro to try and support him, for all the times his boyfriend had supported him. In an instant he forces himself to look happy and cheery, forcing the tears away. This was how he was with everyone else, he would put up this barrier again, for Ryuutaro. He didn't need to deal with Hayato's stressors too.

"We attack in two more days. Then everything will go back to the way it's supposed to be, and we'll go home." He tilts Ryuutaro's face up to him, smiling at him hoping it would be enough to ma, "We've been through worse than this! We can do it!"

and he intertwines his fingers in Ryuutaro's, "We're stronger than this!" And he swallows a lump forming in his throat, but still fights to keep that damn smile on his face, "A-and if you really wanted..... I'm sure we could find a way to take you home.... if that would make you happier..."

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timeskip 'cause BWUH.

Aaaaaand finally.... (Also Ryuu->Tsuna is a bit like Dera->Ginga XD)

lol NOW YOU KNOW HOW DERA FELT RYUUTARO. Waving you Ginger superhero in front of him like that...

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