andsuddenlydynamite | (no subject)

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au verse

(no subject)

When Hayato found himself back in his world, alone, he naturally had written off what happened at the manor as a dream... but at the same time... he couldn’t help but feel the pangs of heartbreak. He felt stupid for falling for something that had to have been a dream.... but the idea of having someone that loved him for just being him... it... it was too good to be true... but didn’t matter now. He had to push his feelings aside. His future self had failed the Tenth, now he was in the future with his boss to try to prevent this from happening. But it wasn’t easy, the Vongola were being hunted for their Vongola rings by the Millefiore family. While he didn't want to admit it... he was scared. He had already failed the Tenth once, he was in this strange foreign world where there was a price on his head, and to top it all off he had lost the boy who loved him.... naturally his mood had taken a SPECIAL turn south. He had already lashed out on Yamamoto a few times. Now him and the baseball idiot were screwed into an all knew lifetime because he lost his temper. One of the Millefiore generals had engaged them in a fight, Yamamoto was down, and now Hayato was being toyed with by Gamma. The man had him pinned on the ground, stepping on his hand until their was a sickening crack. Hayato screamed in agony but refused to say a word... he would gladly die for his boss’s sake. This was all his fault to begin with. If he hadn’t acted out... if his future self hadn’t failed his boss....

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And Hayato's hand instantly went to the side of his face and he scooted back away from Ryuutaro in shock.

He hit him.

Of course it didn't hurt, not in comparison to everything else he's gone through... but he could still feel the sting as his cheek started to heat up. Ryuutaro had never hurt him like this before... even if it was minor, Hayato was shocked. Shocked and scared. Had he really messed up that badly?

Well it shouldn't surprise him that much... all he had been doing since he got here was messing up for everyone. He had failed the Tenth in future and let him die, he had lost his temper and because of it he and Yamamoto got hurt, and it had taken him so long to try to figure out how to use the Systema C.A.I again, that he had hurt the boy he loved so much.He had this coming. He failed everyone... especially Ryuutaro. He had been trying his best though... he had honestly been giving it his everything... but it wasn't enough. It had never been enough...

He just looked up at Ryuutaro, wide-eyed and fearful. He opened his mouth to try and talk, but his words just got stuck in his throat, so his jaw just hung open as he sat there, paralyzed with the weight of everything that had just happened.

And Ryuutaro's facial expression slowly returned to normal. What was he doing here? He was making it worse. Everytime he tried to make Hayato understand how he felt, let it be willingly or not, he made it worse. Just like Hayato made it worse for Ryuutaro everytime he tried to fix things.

"You want to know what you can do, right?", Ryuutaro sighed, "Step one would be accepting that I'm here and I'm staying, even if...", he trailed of and then restarted, "I'm staying. You could kindly stop trying to shove me off at every other ocassion, because I'm not going to change my mind. And even if I was, I am capable of speaking for myself."

Ryuutaro just leaned back against Hayato, feeling tired again.

"I am myself. I can think for myself. Fight for myself. You can stop making all of me about you. It's true, I'm here for you, because I love you" -and that meant more to him than beyblading even!- "But that doesn't mean you have to try and treat me like... like... like... something so easily breakable. I can take the weight of my own choices."
Even if he felt like he couldn't. But he just had to or he couldn't look at himself in the mirror again.

Hayato tenses up for a brief moment when Ryuutaro lays on him, but recovers, meekly wrapping his arms around Ryuutaro again. He was still rather afraid of meriting himself another slap.

His head was spinning, just from everything. He was exhausted. Ryuutaro was sad, then mad, then he hit him... and now he was leaning on him again. Did he need him to hold him? He was finally trying to take in what Ryuutaro was saying again, just in time to catch the unfinished sentence, which he finishes for him, almost absentmindedly.

"Even if you hate my world..."

And Hayato held him closer... he was so confused. The way Ryuutaro was acting and what he was saying didn't match up at all. Right now he just felt so fragile... so dependent on Hayato to be strong. Then of course, those three words, Hayato once again tunes out the conversation so that he could just bask in them. Finally he feels able to verbalize his thoughts into words.

"I love you too Ryuutaro... I-I'm sorry... I just... I just... wh-when I see you like this... I just want to make it better, and you've been so miserable here... I'll do anything just to make you happy again!"

Even if it meant working himself to the point of exhaustion. Even if it meant becoming Ryuutaro's pillar when he was already at his wits end... and even if it meant letting go of the boy he loved so he could be happy. He would do it. Anything for that smile and that lighthearted skip in his chest when they were together...

Ryuutaro twitched as Hayato said his own thoughts out loud just so easily. But then he figured that it wasn't all surprising that Hayato knew it... It was so obvious.
Ryuutaro didn't even want to hate this world. He knew that there was more to it than this hideout, this cruelty... but in his mind these few aspects he knew always just added up, the fact that this world almost killed Hayato again, and he couldn't do anything but hate. Hate in a very childish way, but still hate.

Ryuutaro listened on to Hayato voicing his feelings and what he heard didn't make him angry anymore. He'd do anything... Ryuutaro nuzzled his face in Hayato's chest, over time he'd become almost immune to finding dirt on Hayato disgusting- but his voice still came out almost clear.
"I know.... And I... I'm trying, too, you know? It's not enough for your world yet.... but someday it will be." "
Ryuutaro had been working to get on top of his world, he'd been working a lot for it back then, and he'd be able to do it, too, in this world. He'd get to the top. With something.
Taking shouldering all of my fate as well as yours is an impossible task."

Hayato took a deep breath,to relax. It felt so nice after those past few days just to hold and cuddle his boyfriend. This was what he was fighting for, so he could keep loving his boyfriend like this. Hayato started running his fingers through Ryuutaro's hair as he spoke... god if they weren't in the middle of the hall and Hayato hadn't promised to report to the tenth he could fall asleep just like this...

"I don't doubt it." a sleepy smile spread across his face, "You're an amazingly strong person..."

Hayato nuzzles up to Ryuutaro as well.

"...You've been shouldering all my problems for all this time... why can't I try to take one yours? If it'll make you happier, I'll do it..."

A strong person... Ryuutaro knew this, but right now there were no words explaining how much he needed to hear somebody else say it.

"But that's it...", he sighed, "It doesn't make me any happier... not like this at least..."

Hayato pushing Ryuutaro away and pushing himself too far? It combined two things Ryuutaro hated. But even if Hayato tried another way... Right now Ryuutaro doubted he'd be able to do much. This was about him. Hayato could be there for him, but not solve the problem in itself.

Hayato continued gently rubbing Ryuutaro's back. He needed him right now, and there was no way Hayato wasn't going to be there for the boy he loved, now that he had rediscovered the Systema C.A.I. He finally felt like he could keep Ryuutaro safe in his arms again. He could relax, they both could.

"You wanna go back to Hibari's place then? You liked it there." And there's a big yawn, "I gust gotta report to the Tenth really quick first... he needs to know my progress with the Systema C.A.I."

If they were quiet, they could probably find a little corner where Hibari wouldn't notice them.... if he did, Gokudera would take the blame. He couldn't have Hibari 'biting' Ryuutaro to death after all. He didn't need that. Besides, Hayato was far more used to Hibari's abuse...

Ryuutaro removed himself a bit from Hayato, smiling slightly.
"That's not necessary, but thank you a lot...", he reached up and let his fingers brush through Hayato's hair softly, "You go and do your report and then just go to sleep."

Ryuutaro didn't exactly know what he wanted to do, but somehow relaxing wasn't one of the options. He felt so far behind and that just needed to change. He couldn't have Hayato (and possible someone else, which would be worse) rescue him all the time.

A smile. It wasn't big... but it was a smile nonetheless. Hayato's heart skipped a beat, and his chest suddenly felt a bit lighter, as though a weight had had been removed. He even smiled a little bit himself, his cheeks turning a rosy color and closed his eyes at the touch. Just like that he felt better. Ryuutaro didn't have to do much to make him finally come down from the heaping mess he had been before.

Hayato brought his hand up over Ryuutaro's and leaned forward to give him a kiss.

"Alright, I be in the lib-" ...oh. Right. Blew that up. Excuse him for a moment as he just gives the library a bit of an 'oops' look. "Uh... maybe the parlor would be better..."

A bit more high traffic, but not at small as his room, and it had a couch.

"Parlor then", Ryuutaro nodded. By now he'd at least gotten used to this place enough to feel alright with that as well.

"Then go now, you wouldn't want to keep your boss waiting right?"
And he even managed to not make it sound all that bitter. Again, he reminded himself that things would be working out.

He gave a little nod, obviously kind of oblivious to the bitter tone, "I'll be back soon. 'Love ya!"

And just one more peck on the cheek for his boyfriend before he starts to head off to the kitchen, waving... then turning to continue to the kitchen.

...then pausing to look back and wave to Ryuutaro one more time, since... maybe he wasn't paying attention the first time... or something. Well, a little separation anxiety never killed anyone...

Hayato's report is relatively brief, it didn't take him too long before he arrived with Uri, who looked rather content... and well fed thanks to the girls. Luckily that seemed to quell the cat's temper for now. Hayato walked in and looked around for Ryuutaro briefly before spotting him. A big smile spread across his face and he happily rushed over.

"Ryuutaro!"

Ryuutaro couldn't help, but smile a bit more at those waving gestures. This was exactly what he was staying for. To be with Hayato like this seemed to be the most important thing in the world and even if it had nothing to do with spinning tops, it was worth fighting for.

As Hayato left, Ryuutaro went to the parlor, looked around and then decided that he really could use some calm right now. He silently launched Pisces on the floor, creating the tiniest bit of hypnosion realm about him, just enough to take himself (and every possible insect in range of 3 metres) into his own private realm for a little while.
As he heard Hayato's voice, he briefly thought picking up Pisces and letting this end, but then he decided against it. By now Hayato should know the Distortion Drive well enough to be aware of what was happening when he stepped into it.
It was not like anything hurtful was in the vibes right now.
Ryuutaro smiled. "Is everything settled?"

And Hayato happily scooped Ryuutaro up in a big hug, lifting him off the ground in the process, a bit over the top for a greeting, even for him, but he had missed Ryuutaro just so much. He held the boy tightly for a moment before pulling back from the hug, just looking at Ryuutaro so adoringly. He nodded with a big grin at the question.

"It went really well! We're gonna attack in three days! Until then I'm off the hook!"

Which meant for the next three days he could be with Ryuutaro, trying to make this whole world suck less.

Edited 2011-11-08 22:43 (UTC)

Being lifted up was just an unnecessary reminder of how small Ryuutaro actually was, but it wasn't like he wouldn't already be constantly reminded of it, so that in the end he didn't even pay attention to it. Least of all now.

This was more like it... better than the annoyed look Hayato gave other people, better then the weird state of the last two days, better than seeing him fight and bleed.. just better.
And no matter how exaggerated it might be, right now there couldn't be much better to start to make up for the past days.

Ryuutaro smiled, pleased to see that it came a bit easier to him again. "That's good to hear. I'm glad."

Hayato laughed, and nodded before giving Ryuutaro a big kiss. He was just so elated. They could go home soon. It was almost over...

but then there's a big yawn... and his stomach let out a rather displeased gurgling noise. Ah, right... the lack of food and sleep for the last two days was finally catching up to him. He rubs his eye with the palm of his hand, the smile still contently sitting on his face. He didn't want to sleep yet! He finally had some time to be with his boyfriend! He wanted to kiss him, and hug him, and if they had a room to themselves ~~unleash the beast~~... he couldn't think of that yet. That would have to wait until they got home.

The question 'how many hours did you sleep the last two days' came to Ryuutaro's mind wanting to be spoken, but then he figured that no, he didn't want to know at all.
Ryuutaro raised an eyebrow and smirked a bit.

"Are you awake enough to at least get something to eat or do I have to fear that you'll fall asleep during it?"

If Hayato went on about not wanting to sleep now, it would be official that very deep down he was the same he had been as a kid.

And a slight blush spread across his cheeks as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm not that tired! I can stay up!" And he all-too-happily takes Ryuutaro's hand in his to head to the kitchen. "Let's get somethin' to eat!"

During the whole walk to the kitchen, Hayato just couldn't help but keep that big grin plastered on his face. He was just in such a great mood. He had hope now that he didn't have the previous few days. The hope of the Systema C.A.I. He had the power to protect those he cared about.

When they enter the kitchen, it's empty. The group seemed to have dispersed shortly after the little group meeting. Not that Hayato was complaining... since there was no one in the kitchen... Ryuutaro wouldn't feel pressured to leave... which meant he might cook something! He did love Ryuutaro's cooking, and it was especially appreciated now that Bianchi was wandering around trying to feed him...

Ryuutaro was really pleased to see the kitchen empty. He didn't feel like dealing with the rest of the Vongola, not now, not later. It wasn't that he really disliked them, he just couldn't bring him himself to like these people just one bit yet.

Ryuutaro sighed contently, turning to Hayato.
"What do you even want to eat?"

He thinks for a moment, but can't bring himself to come up with anything... not that he ever could usually. He left the cooking up to Ryuutaro, he wasn't picky.

"I dunno, whatever you want to make!" And he's just in such a good mood... "I'll help too if you want!"

It would be something to keep him awake at any rate...

Help? Ryuutaro blinked. Hayato and cooking was not something he'd ever connect in his head. He remembered that they had a conversation about that once...
But well, helping was different than doing it alone, right? Ryuutaro could still prevent the apocalypse in case it threatened to begin. And it would surely be kind of funny to watch...

"Why not? I'd be delighted" - in every way - "And to make a decision we need to see what you even have stored in this kitchen..."
Underground and god-knows-where as they were.

Hayato takes out his glasses, frowning at their condition after the explosion, earlier and puts them on. It was better than nothing. He then took out his bandanna and tied it around his head. Then he finally moves over to his boyfriend, nuzzling against his face affectionately.

"Just tell me what to do!"

Luckily the kitchen is very well stocked, the Vongola funding cutting no corners in that sense.

One of the good things about Ryuutaro's traveling was, that he actually had had enough time to gather lots of recipes from every region of Japan. It wasn't like he often got a chance to cook properly, but since he was just so obsessed with his own culture he kept the recipes in his head anyway.
That's how he got to know Sata Andagi in first place - back then when a ship actually agreed to bring him and all his stuff to Okinawa and all. They weren't a proper meal for themselves, but added with some usual Nattodon it'd make for feeding them properly, he supposed.

Also hopefully there was not too much to go wrong with this.
... probably he was just paranoid about Hayato touching anything inside a kitchen. Hopefully.

Ryuutaro silently got everything he might need out, thinking about what he could give Hayato to do. ~~Teamwork, whut is this even?~~
"Can you whisk this?", he said, pointing to eggs, a bit of water, vanilla flavour as well as some flour.
That should be possible, right? Right.

Hayato looked at the ingredients and nodded enthusiastically. He took the bowl and with all the skill of a four-year old tried to stir everything together... At least poor stirring doesn't impact the taste of food...

or it wouldn't if he hadn't gotten about half the flour all over him. He doesn't seemed deterred at all in his enthusiasm to help to, intensely stirring everything together, flour all over his shirt, arms, and face... and somehow even managed to get on his pants... he probably should have put on an apron. How he managed to do that is beyond anyone, but he finishes, with a big proud smile on his face.

"I finished! What's next?"

Ryuutaro watched that scenery from the corner of his eye in growing amazement. How did he--? Just how could anybody have this little talent for something so simple? It shouldn't be possible at all, especially considering that Hayato was usually good with precise movements...

It was rather distracting, to say the least, but as Ryuutaro was quite an okay cook so he managed to successfully wash rice and start cooking it in the meantime - not without constantly keeping an eye on Hayato and his growing... well, whiteness?
It was somewhere between disturbing, amusing and strangely fascinating. Only that smile kept Ryuutaro from making any comment.

"Can you heat this oil in the deep fryer?", he said, sounding a bit unsure. After what he'd seen with the flour he wasn't sure if letting Hayato deal with anything flammable was a goiod idea. Then again, that was a silly thought, if anybody knew about fire and all the things related it was his boyfriend.
And besides, he was here. And he'd make very sure to keep an eye on everything that was going on.

"Sure!"

Hayato did as he was told, however... began obsessively trying to get the PERFECT amount of oil in the fryer... to the point where he is adjusting it by spoonfuls, blissfully unaware that the oil is getting hotter...

Now would probably be a good time to pull him away from that before he does something disastrous and hurts himself.