andsuddenlydynamite | (no subject)

Entry tags:

au verse

(no subject)

When Hayato found himself back in his world, alone, he naturally had written off what happened at the manor as a dream... but at the same time... he couldn’t help but feel the pangs of heartbreak. He felt stupid for falling for something that had to have been a dream.... but the idea of having someone that loved him for just being him... it... it was too good to be true... but didn’t matter now. He had to push his feelings aside. His future self had failed the Tenth, now he was in the future with his boss to try to prevent this from happening. But it wasn’t easy, the Vongola were being hunted for their Vongola rings by the Millefiore family. While he didn't want to admit it... he was scared. He had already failed the Tenth once, he was in this strange foreign world where there was a price on his head, and to top it all off he had lost the boy who loved him.... naturally his mood had taken a SPECIAL turn south. He had already lashed out on Yamamoto a few times. Now him and the baseball idiot were screwed into an all knew lifetime because he lost his temper. One of the Millefiore generals had engaged them in a fight, Yamamoto was down, and now Hayato was being toyed with by Gamma. The man had him pinned on the ground, stepping on his hand until their was a sickening crack. Hayato screamed in agony but refused to say a word... he would gladly die for his boss’s sake. This was all his fault to begin with. If he hadn’t acted out... if his future self hadn’t failed his boss....

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He smiled and nodded, nuzzling his head against Ryuutaro's affectionately.

"Yeah..." and another yawn, "much better..."

Now he was tired.... He didn't WANT to be tired, he wanted to stay like this with his boyfriend. It was only two days that they had been separated- but STILL! It felt longer.

He hadn't really realized just how much time he spent with Ryuutaro, it just... felt so natural. He knew that would have to change when they got back... what with Hayato going back to school and his business with the Vongola. It was an intimidating thought, going back to his old schedule. At least back home they wouldn't have to rely quite so heavily on each other. No more author plots trying to get into their heads or trying to get them killed. So he supposed they wouldn't NEED each other as much...

... none of this was making the idea any more appealing to him... but...

But then, there's the idea of coming home to Ryuutaro every day from now on. They could meet after school, and they could go on dates and everything will be kind of normal! This was it. No more Author. He heaved a sigh of relief. They had made it through one hurdle at least. They could make it over this one too.

Ryuutaro slowly turned around inside Hayato's arms so that he could wrap his arms around his boyfriend as well.
Things felt so much more like they were fine now. The last hour had just been so nice, he could almost have forgotten where they were and what just happened.
It was good to know that there were moments like this to make up for all the pain this world had caused him and would cause him in the future.
Because even if Hayato pretended he had a choice, he most likely hadn't.
Ryuutaro was almost thankful for it. Following fate was so easy and... All the time at the Manor he always wondered what he wanted. If he wanted to return home at all, because that would most likely mean live without Hayato.

"You should go and rest some then...", Ryuutaro said silently, his voice even more muffled by the fact that his head was leaning against Hayato's chest.

"I'm not tired... I can stay up."

He didn't want to move from this position. It was just so warm, and wonderful- and for the moment- Ryuutaro was okay. That was the most important thing. He was afraid, if he broke this... Ryuutaro might crumble again. He knew this was a stupid way to think but while the sting on his cheek had faded, he could almost still feel it... just how much Ryuutaro was hurting. He hated it so much.

"I just want to stay like this..."

„In the middle of the kitchen?“, Ryuutaro questioned, even though he didn’t move himself, „I’m not sure if that’s a good idea...“
Which was mostly for the sole reason that he really didn’t want anybody to come in right now. Not because he’d be embarrassed to be found in this position, but because he just didn’t want to deal with people from this world.
He knew it from the Manor, the kitchen was just such a general meeting place. Everyone appeared there sooner or later to get water, bread, tea, fruits, cook, bake... or even just sit down and wait for things to happen.

He had to agree with Hayato though. He didn’t really want this to end right now, almost scared of it. But Hayato needed to rest... it was just so obvious.

Hayato squirms a bit uncomfortably- not about the position of course, but about Ryuutaro implying he wanted to separate.

"...J-just another minute, okay? Please?"

He knew he sounded childish... but he couldn't pull away right now. He couldn't. In fact, he wrapped his arms around Ryuutaro just a little tighter, silently begging him not to move.

"Alright..."

Ryuutaro closed his eyes and leaned his body against Hayato's some more.
Hayato's voice just now had reminded him again of how fragile their situation was right now.
Just another moment just had to be fine.

It took a good long moment before Hayato very reluctantly started pulling away. He didn't want to pull away from the boy he loved so, but he did. Of course he kept his arm secure around Ryuutaro's waist.

"Do you want to go Hibari's place again... if we stay outta his way I'm sure we could stay."

Ryuutaro nodded.
"That sounds fine... It's a calming place."

Staying out of Hibari's way was something he'd intend to do anyway, not because he particulary respected him, but simply because he was one of those people.

Hayato smiles and starts walking towards Hibari's section of the base, on the way he grabbed a blanket and pillow from his room. When they got there Hayato cautiously peaked in... Hibari was working but didn't seem to be paying attention so VERY cautiously he snuck by and found a little private corner FAR away from Hibari. He hoped the breeze from the vents in the high ceiling above would help ease Ryuutaro a bit.

He set up a little spot for them and took a seat, setting up the blanket and pillows. He doesn't make his usual motions to cuddle with Ryuutaro. In the past week, he felt Ryuutaro had rejected him twice. Once when Ryuutaro had told him to more or less get off... and then... the first time Ryuutaro struck him.

He knew he hadn't intended for it to hurt, Ryuutaro was just having a hard time, and he just kept messing up. He knew it was his fault but...

it had hurt... and he was afraid he would mess up again. In fact he knew he would. He couldn't take any more of that kind of pain. Sure, things had slowly started to recover. He had the systema C.A.I., so he was confident with his strength, and they had a lot of fun cooking together... he knew he loved him, and that the feeling was mutual. Hayato had come to terms with that the first time they made love. He knew that wouldn't change, and at the moment he just felt so vulnerable.

Hayato brought his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his head on his knees so he could look at Ryuutaro. He pushed all his feelings aside and just smiled at his boyfriend, trying to stay up a bit longer.

"You goin' to sleep too? Or are you goin' to stay up longer?"

Ryuutaro tilted his head in slight confusion. He wasn't used to having space between them anymore. Especially with the position Hayato had brought himself in, this kind of self-hug.

"I'm not sure", he replied with a small smile of his own, "I don't feel like sleeping, but I probably should get some rest as well."

He looked Hayato's position over again. It was not like it felt wrong to sit without closeness... Ryuutaro really liked being close to Hayato, but he enjoyed some private space, too. But the way Hayato looked, the way this happened was more than just wrong.

"Is there a particular reason, you're over there?"

Hayato just looked confused. He hadn't really thought about the position he chose to sit in, he wasn't aware it was revealing more than he wanted it to.

"No reason."

He leaned back and stretched for a moment, then went about setting up his spot to sleep. He wanted to shift away from the topic of why he was keeping his distance. Ryuutaro knew him well enough to sniff out the issue if he dwelled on it.

"Well, I'm wiped. I'm just gonna crash alright?"

And he just flopped down, head on the pillow and shifts so that he's on his side, of course leaving room for Ryuutaro if and when he chose to sleep, but oddly enough Hayato situates himself so that he's facing away from Ryuutaro. He wasn't sure he'd be able to fall asleep right away... and... he didn't feel well enough to keep talking. He wanted to keep himself guarded. That meant he would be safe for a while. He just couldn't afford to get hurt again. Not when such an important battle was coming up. He needed to be able to focus.

Edited 2011-11-23 03:39 (UTC)

"Rest well...", Ryuutaro replied silently, watching Hayato's back for a moment.
He didn't want to comment on it again. Hayato could have his space as well after all and sometimes Ryuutaro was just too proud to always come after him.
He still couldn't help feeling unwell.
He sighed and leaned back a bit. He didn't want to sleep just yet, there was so much running through his head.

They'd be fine. Everything would be alright. And yet he just felt a little bit like crying.

And Hayato lays there silently for a moment, despite nearly falling asleep on his feet just a little while ago... sleep didn't come to him now.

He could feel the gap between them... this would be the first time they hadn't slept together since Ryuutaro arrived in his world. Even though Ryuutaro was right next to him, he still felt so far away. It was like he was alone again.

Were they really going to let this rift grow between them?

But Ryuutaro hadn't made a move to stop it, so this must have been alright with him. He must just need time away from him. Hayato knew better than anyone just how much of a mess he was. He was probably bringing Ryuutaro down, which isn't what he needed now. He had lost everything already, he didn't need Hayato's emotional baggage too.

So this was good. It was what Ryuutaro wanted too, so he should stop second guessing himself.

...but then why did everything still hurt so much?

He squirmed a bit, and wrapped his arms around his stomach. The one time he just wanted sleep to take him so badly, it just wouldn't come.

Ryuutaro noticed that movement and his pride started melting away again. In this world Hayato was all he had and he just didn't seem alright right now.
This wasn't alright.

He softly placed his hand on Hayato's shoulder, leaning over him a bit.
"What's wrong...?"

He wanted nothing more than just lay down next to Hayato already, but he stopped himself. There had to be reasons for all of this. He wanted to hear them.

Hayato reflexively jumped and tensed at Ryuutaro's touch, expecting to get hit again, but he quickly relaxed when he realized the touch was meant to be comforting. He bit the inside of cheek a bit before turning his head to look up at Ryuutaro. His cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.

"I just can't sleep... that's all..."

It was only the tip of the iceberg of what was wrong. But hhe was afraid to unload his burdens on Ryuutaro. He didn't want the boy he loved to push him away any more.

Ryuutaro raised an eyebrow.
"I have to humbly remark, that no, I don't think that's all", he smiled a bit. This time his speech pattern wasn't intend to bring distance like it usually did. Instead it was more pronounced like an inside joke and his smile was honest, maybe a bit sceptical.

When Hayato was wrapping his arms around his stomach, there was no way he was alright.

Hayato Reached up to stroke Ryuutaro's cheek, though he hesitated for a moment. Just a moment. Ryuutaro wouldn't push him away for this.

"It's nothing you need to worry about."

He was dead-set on keeping his burden to himself. Ryuutaro had enough going on as it was, he didn't need someone leaning on him for support. He forces a little smile on his face and pushes himself up to give Ryuutaro a peck on the cheek.

"I love you."

It was important for him to say. Ryuutaro knew something was wrong, and he would know that he wasn't telling him... so just letting him know that he loved him... it felt right. Maybe as an apology...

Well, that was some amazing change of topic here. Ryuutaro understood though. A part of him wanted to go on and on asking, but then he wondered what this would be like if their roles were reversed. He wouldn't like to be pushed for things, so he shouldn't do it to Hayato. Hayato was really the only person to ever get him to be this considerate.

Instead he smiled a small and very soft smile. "I love you, too."
It was good to exchange these words, but it still didn't feel quite alright. Ryuutaro resisted biting his lip and instead leaned down further until his hair was almost - or maybe - touching Hayato's face.
"But I wouldn't just agree with your first statement. I decide what I need to worry about. But if you don't want to tell me, that's fine..."
Or something similar to fine. Acceptable, maybe.

His smile became a bit more genuine when Ryuutaro returned the statement of affection. He had... needed to hear that too. Then, he got so close. It was so nice. A little blush spread across his cheeks and he could feel his heart flutter. It was strange, Hayato had thought he had gotten over these awkward little bursts of shyness. Maybe he was just excited to be so close again, regardless he got control of it again quickly. He kept his smile on and ran his hand up through his lover's hair with a smile.

"You've been goin' through he'll enough as it is. It's just me bein' stupid. I-I'll get over it."

This was the first time it was his job to assure Ryuutaro everything would be okay. He loved his boyfriend, and if they needed to switch roles to do that, then he was fine with that. He needed to be both the physically strong and emotionly strong one this time... or pretend to be.

The only thing Hayato was being stupid with was saying this, it was something Ryuutaro was sure on.
"It's not hell, it's never been hell... Just unpleasant, that's all", Ryuutaro smirked a very small bit.

Maybe more than that, but it was true, he's had worse. The cell. Reiji. ... Hayato's death. That. That had been hell.

Hayato sat up, and bit his lip. Then he looked over at Ryuutaro... then down to his lap. He wanted to scoot closer to him and cuddle up close... but... he wanted to respect the space Ryuutaro seemed to want for himself. He didn't want to get pushed away again.

"I-I... it's just..."

He fidgeted more... it was obvious that Ryuutaro wanted to know... and he wanted to tell him... but he was just too afraid. The blush returns to his face and he started to bit the inside of his cheek, looking off to the side.

"It's nothing. It's really nothing."

And that was when Ryuutaro finally gave in and just reached out to pull Hayato close. Respecting Hayato's space was one thing, but this had turned into another. He could see how they were just overthinking again.

They'd be rich if they'd gotten paid for everytime they told each other it was nothing.

"Then why don't you just sleep...?", he whispered against Hayato's chest, sounding a tiny bit teasing even.

Hayato paused for a moment in surprise... he had thought... Ryuutaro didn't wants him close. This was what he was afraid of, yet so desperately wanted.

"Th-this is okay right? It's alright if I-I hold you?"

He started to tremble but still placed his hands gently on Ryuutaro's back, resisting the urge to embrace him until Ryuutaro told him it was okay.

Ryuutaro blinked in complete confusion.

"Why wouldn't it be?", he asked, genuinely puzzled.
They'd been with each other this long, Hayato should know that he could always touch him, that it was the privilege reserved for him.
Ryuutaro leaned against Hayato some more, proving it. This was okay. It took them a long way to get here, but it was alright. And very calming.

And instantly Hayato flung his arms around Ryuutaro, holding him tightly, just pressing there bodies together. He had wanted this so badly... just... so badly.

"I thought... I thought you didn't want me so close..."

He just... couldn't forget Ryuutaro telling him to let go in the days before he locked himself in the library. It had hurt... but he felt as though it was his fault. He had been trying, and he had ke[t rying, but things just kept getting worse and worse.

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry Ryuutaro... for everything. I've been trying my best... I really have... but I just... I just keep messing everything up for everyone. I've been a terrible right-hand to the Tenth, I've been a burden on the Vongola, and I've been a horrible boyfriend..."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

emo tl;dr everywhere. IDEK where this even came from.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject