andsuddenlydynamite (
andsuddenlydynamite) wrote2010-07-28 10:55 pm
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When Hayato found himself back in his world, alone, he naturally had written off what happened at the manor as a dream... but at the same time... he couldn’t help but feel the pangs of heartbreak. He felt stupid for falling for something that had to have been a dream.... but the idea of having someone that loved him for just being him... it... it was too good to be true... but didn’t matter now. He had to push his feelings aside. His future self had failed the Tenth, now he was in the future with his boss to try to prevent this from happening. But it wasn’t easy, the Vongola were being hunted for their Vongola rings by the Millefiore family. While he didn't want to admit it... he was scared. He had already failed the Tenth once, he was in this strange foreign world where there was a price on his head, and to top it all off he had lost the boy who loved him.... naturally his mood had taken a SPECIAL turn south. He had already lashed out on Yamamoto a few times. Now him and the baseball idiot were screwed into an all knew lifetime because he lost his temper. One of the Millefiore generals had engaged them in a fight, Yamamoto was down, and now Hayato was being toyed with by Gamma. The man had him pinned on the ground, stepping on his hand until their was a sickening crack. Hayato screamed in agony but refused to say a word... he would gladly die for his boss’s sake. This was all his fault to begin with. If he hadn’t acted out... if his future self hadn’t failed his boss....
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"I never quite understood how school is mandatory in other worlds...", he commented on the first part, because it had been something that had been confusing him from the very start at the Manor. Wherever he got people were surprised about him having a profession and actually working, while to him it was perfectly normal.
And then it hit him.
"Wait... I hope you and your world realize though, that I won't be going there at all?"
The thought alone seemed just plain ridiculous to him. He was able to read and write and educated in his chosen way of working, what more did he need?
The good thing though was that they were drifting back into normal conversations, away from that distance, that gap between them.
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He laughed a little, it wasn't his usual hearty laugh, but it was a laugh.
"I figured. It's not like you're really registered or anything in my world, so I don't see why you would. If there's anything you need to know about it, I could probably teach you anyway."
It was good to be able to talk about something that given the situation, was totally unimportant, but it was a shred of normalcy. Hopefully it would ease Ryuutaro. Hayato knew he would have to keep that gap open for a bit more for his boyfriend. The less he knew the better off he would be. If he couldn't see the damage then it couldn't change him, if Hayato could just keep showing Ryuutaro all the good things... then it would all be alright!
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Yes, even if school had been mandatory in Beyblade world, Ryuutaro would've probably gotten a private teacher. He used to be a spoiled kid like that.
And he actually didn't know about the things taught in school. He knew writing and reading and magic, it was all he needed. Maths outside of beyblade physics for example was something that he had remained completely oblivious of in his life. He'd just never needed these things.
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It was a bit of a bold offer on his part. He didn't figure Ryuutaro cared much for his native language. He hadn't really expressed much interest in his culture other than how it pertained directly to Hayato. It was probably stupid for him to ask. It was a ballsy move on his part after all. He chuckles nervously and looks off to the side.
"Or maybe I could try to teach you somethin' useful instead..."
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Italian... It always sounded so foreign to Ryuutaro's ears, he knew he'd be embarrassing himself a lot trying to speak it. Reading a menu was already hard enough.
But then again, it had always been bothering how he couldn't understand a word of the Italian things Hayato said sometimes. Having at least a basic grasp on the language would make him less of an outsider to Hayato's origin.
"I suppose knowing the essentials of your language would be convenient.."
If he doesn't embarrass himself trying. Which he would. The dark, dark side of this. Maybe understand would be enough?
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But if Ryuutaro learned maybe a little bit about where he came from... then he wouldn't have to try and hold so much of it back. It would be so nice to have just a little bit of familiarity, even if it was something as simple as his language He didn't care how poorly Ryuutaro spoke it.
"All we have to do is hold out a little longer... then everything can go back to normal!"
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"We've been holding out through all those months at the Manor, I'd be surprised if we couldn't this time."
If they talked like this he couldn't help but just push aside everything cruel he'd seen earlier and be exited about settling down into a new world. It was a thrilling thought as long as he didn't think about the complete lack of Beyblades.
timeskip 'cause BWUH.
Things remained relatively good for the next few days at least. Hayato continued to smile through, despite the growing pressure from his failure after each day he did his best to act like everything was fine. Until eventually the stress from his failures made it impossible for him to keep up with his 'I'm fine' routine. He stopped eating and essentially locked himself in the library, refusing to respond to anyone on the other side of the door. He was working on his second day of solitude.
Tsuna had finished his training for the day and thought it would be a wise point to go see how Hayato was doing. He knew how... erm... Hayato could be. Say everything was fine then nearly get himself killed training. Completely oblivious to Hayato's stay in the library...
Aaaaaand finally.... (Also Ryuu->Tsuna is a bit like Dera->Ginga XD)
It was natural, he could've seen it coming and yet he somehow found no real way to do anything about it.
He could foresee the future again, which was always a bonus, but to his displeasure, he still couldn't make visions appear exactly as he needed them. His general 'good-or-bad-black-or-white'-knowledge didn't do in this place, right now they needed specific information and he really couldn't give it.
It wasn't that Ryuutaro felt a specific desire to be useful to anybody. He wanted to get out of here and return this place to whatever normal was as much as the next person, but that wasn't the point.
He was just feeling powerless, no matter how hard he tried to get better. It didn't surprise him. He knew how much work getting better at anything could take and special or not, he needed to put it into things as much as anybody else. Ryuutaro had never been one to assume he'd just be able to do something, even though he acted like it.
And Hayato... Ryuutaro sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. At the moment he sat in front of the library. He needed time to think about how he could help Hayato get over this, because this was killing them both slowly. He needed to put a stop to this.
But he didn't have the time and there was no way he could buy it. And maybe.... even if he had it, he wouldn't be able to... Ryuutaro stopped this train of thought immediately.
He stood up and decided to walk for a bit. This wasn't outside, the sky was nowhere in sight, so it wouldn't help him at all, but maybe if he kept his eyes fixed on the ground mostly he could pretend that there was sky above him and not just a ceiling that felt like it would crush down on him with all it's weight.
That was when he run into Tsuna. Because of all people here, it just had to be this person. The 'Tenth', oh yes, of course. Ryuutaro didn't have a specific problem with him, but that still did for some unresolved wavering problem nobody could put a finger on.
"Good day", he greeted formally.
lol NOW YOU KNOW HOW DERA FELT RYUUTARO. Waving you Ginger superhero in front of him like that...
"Where's Gokudera... he's usually with you, isn't he? Reborn sent me to check on him..."
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"He's in the library, if you want to go looking for him. But I'm afraid I have to warn you, fortune might not be with you when you talk to him. He's not... very communicative these days. But since it's you maybe things are different?"
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"Not very communicative?" Tsuna's face takes on an almost exasperated look, mixed with a good deal of his usual
derpinsecurity, "H-he's doing that thing again isn't he? Where he pushes himself too hard?"And he starts heading toward the library, obviously this had been some sort of concern... and not the first time he's pulled a stunt like this. Tsuna himself appeared to be both worried and a bit tired of Gokudera's antics. Lord knows what he's gone and done this time...
And squatting in front of the library peeking into the keyhole is Yamamoto, looking cheerful as ever, in his full kendo garb, clearly having just finished as well.
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...
...and another person. Another reason Ryuutaro really wanted to get out of this underground-place. It was crowded.
"Is there anything interesting to see?", he asked sweetly, because concern or not this was spying on his boyfriend and honestly, Ryuutaro was not amused.
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In the smoking aftermath, there are a few flashes of light as Gokudera recalls his weapon, however an angry cat yowling can be heard.
"There I got it... now I just got to find a way to explain this little guy to the boss..."
And the smoke clears, revealing a dirty, tired Gokudera. His glasses are broken and half hanging off his face, his hair has been tussled up, and a familiar feline is clinging to his head possessively. Clearly he wasn't even aware anyone was nearby.
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Only after that is done, he turned to look at Hayato. With Uri.
So he did it. So he really did it, after all this time. For a moment Ryuutaro was just relieved. Everything needed to turn out right now, there was not a single bit of doubt.
With the relief came a desire to just run over to Hayato, press against him, then put him to bed...
But no. What did he even think? Leaving everybody hanging like this, doing stupid things, making him worry, leaving him basically on his own in this horrible, hateable place?
Suddenly Ryuutaro'd pride didn't allow him to move a single inch towards Hayato. How could he? He was such an idiot sometimes!
... and then there was this part of him which he desperately wanted to ignore. The one who still couldn't believe that this world, this weird, horrible place, was going to be his homeworld.
And who told him Hayato wouldn't do this more often? Tsunayoshi had seemed used to it. And he knew perfectly well how Hayato could be.... how he was most of the time actually.
This was... stupid. And just a bit too much to take.
The different feelings and urges just crashed down on Ryuutaro like he expected the ceiling to do earlier.
He knew, if he did anything now, it'd be stupid.
So Ryuutaro remained where he was, doing nothing at all in a desperate try to seem composed and get himself together already.
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Tsuna just looked up at Gokudera, quite frazzled about the whole... library exploding thing... and getting tackled... and now random cat on fire.
And Hayato turns around to see the trio staring up at him, and he just stands there in awkward surprise.
"U-uh hey bo- AGH!"
And of course, that foul tempered cat makes a go at his face. It takes him s a few moments to peel her off and throw her off to the side, glaring DAGGERS at her. He was tired and his mood was a touch temperamental... well, more so than usual, and he turns back to the group. Noting Ryuutaro's look in particular. He knew his boyfriend was going to be furious with him, and he couldn't blame him for it. But he didn't regret his decision. This was something he had to do... even if it meant he had to hurt Ryuutaro, which broke his heart to even THINK about, but he would rather have a justifiably angry boyfriend, than a dead one. So he turned to Tsuna again, though now his tone is a bit meek.
"Uh, Boss, can I meet you in the kitchen in a bit, I'll tell you all about it then..."
Tsuna looked from Gokudera, to Ryuutaro, and back to Gokudera and just nodded, pulled Yamamoto off to the kitchen.
They gone Ryuutaro! Now's your change to drag him to the bedroom to UNLEASH THE BEAST!no subject
The fortune-teller still had no idea how to feel, but he stood up at least, without moving over to Hayato though.
"You did it", he said, "I'm glad."
It came out a bit toneless though. He just couldn't make up his mind about a single thing right now. It wasn't a lie though. If not anything else, at least he was telling the truth.
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I didn't mean to leave you alone, I didn't mean to hurt you, either of those would have worked. But the shame just weighed so heavily on him, words didn't seem to work right. He was just so expecting Ryuutaro to lash out at him for what he did, and not getting it... or any reaction for that matter, felt even worse. The anticipation just crushed him to the point where he couldn't wait for Ryuutaro to make a move any longer. He quickly drops to his hands and knees and slams his forehead into the ground. Luckily he's somewhat gotten over the repeated mashing into the ground, but the initial impact was probably a bit rough, and he is grinding his forehead into the ground as hard as he can.
"RYUUTARO I'M SORRY! I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY!"
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Ryuutaro now moved over to Hayato rather quickly, sitting down in front of him.
"I'm aware of that", he commented and his voice was a bit softer than before, "Please stop this, you're already worn enough..."
He knew and understood why Hayato did all this... but it didn't make a thing about it better. Sometimes Ryuutaro missed the times when he was harder and only thinking and feeling for himself, not them both.
Maybe this little display of worry would calm Hayato down. Hopefully. Because Ryuutaro really didn't know what he wanted to say at all.
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What's worse is that he didn't know what Ryuutaro wanted him to do. If he wanted him to go away... as much as he didn't want to right now he would, or if he wanted him to stay, he would also do so, even if it was just to be yelled at... but this uncertainty was crushing. He needed to know what Ryuutaro wanted, he needed some sort of direction to go.
"What do you want me to do?"
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Hayato was not the only one who felt pathetic in this moment. Ryuutaro wished he was stronger, he wished he'd seen the sky sometimes in those last days, he wished this was a world where he had something to hold on to, that wasn't Hayato, some sort of safety.
He loved Hayato, that was a thing he was more sure of than anything else, and even if it meant to leave everything he knew, he wasn't going to ever give him up. That much was sure.
The problem wasn't even really Hayato. He could've overlooked all this so much easier, if he had his own life. He wanted it, desperately. Just being an addition to Hayato's for the past days had weakened him so much.
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Very slowly Hayato held his arms out to Ryuutaro, like he wanted to touch him, but was afraid the other boy might be too angry at him to want any sort of physical contact with him. But Hayato wanted to just hold him so badly, hold him and try to make all his pain go away. He bit his lip nervously, and decided to go onto his next nervous habit whenever he noticed there was something wrong with Ryuutaro: try to feed him.
"A-are you hungry? We could go get something in the kitchen..."
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But he shook his head. He wasn't hungry and other people were in the kitchen... He didn't feel like seeing these people. Even if he knew he should adapt to them as they were going to be his company, he just couldn't. It wasn't them. It was they're existence in this place.
"Thanks, but I'm afraid, no, thanks", he replied silently, looking at Hayato and his open arms.
A part of him wanted to get away, but there was no place to go at. If he had been able to go outside he would've went there and returned when he felt more normal again, but this possibility just didn't exist.
So instead he leaned forward- still expressionless- until his head rested against Hayato's shoulders.
He hated himself for this obvious display of weakness, when he should be strong, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was tired, so very tired of this.
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"Ryuutaro... what can I do to make this better? Please, tell me, I'll do anything... anything at all..."
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"It's not you... you don't need to do anything about something that's not really your fault."
This was about him. His life. And the worst wave of insecurity he'd ever gone through in his life.
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KEYWORDS SUM THIS PART OF THE THREAD UP MARVELOUSLY.
AWWWWW <3
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emo tl;dr everywhere. IDEK where this even came from.
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... this chunk of this thread totes made me B'awww
Yeeeeeeesh >w< It is just so... so. >w<
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screw the fact that there is no bed in sight. I have to use this icon someday.
they have pillows and a blanket IT'S ALL GOOD!
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Aaaand just going to FF THIS BECAUSE EFF THIS FIGHT SO HARD.
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