andsuddenlydynamite | (no subject)

Bianchi was glad at least someone appreciated her efforts, which judging from her brother's glare... he did not share the gratitude.

Thus instead of thanking her, he simply jerks his head to the box... because if that shit was food...

"What's in the box?"

Bianchi gave a coy little chuckle, fully intending to be a good big sister and embarrass her little brother in front of his boyfriend.

"Well, I heard you went into your room. I simply assumed you were looking for your old things, so I brought them~"

And she opened the box, revealing a plethora of old photos, drawings, toys, books, and even school studies. While everything was in Italian, it seemed that Hayato's fascination will all things ~~nerdy and~~ occult started young, as he had several books on aliens and mythical monsters. Of course there was some music as well, and a few little toys- but the one that seemed to get the most use was a worn and battered stuffed lion... that had stripes shoddily drawn on it to make it a liger. The photos were also amusing. while some were formal family photos in which Hayato was either sporting a large grin, trying to mimic his fathers scowl and doing so... a tad over dramatically, or was just turned around all together because he could not sit still for more than 10 seconds at a time. Then there were some not-so-formal ones, mostly of him and Bianchi... many of which had Hayato at her mercy in one way or another.

Hayato tentatively started rummaging through the box... and like his sister had intended was quick to get rather embarrassed... mostly at the worn stuffed animal... but he hadn't even started going through the pictures...

Ryuutaro couldn't help it, he had to give the inside of the books a very curious look. It was only fair... Hayato had gotten to look around his childhood room, too, after all.
He smiled at the books. Although their occult passions varied, it seemed like their younger selves might've gotten along, based only on their literature preferences.
At the stuffed animal he just couldn't help but comment. "Cute."
Just that. Revenge for all the times Hayato had called him cute.
For a short moment Ryuutaro felt more relaxed than before... and immediately looked a bit more tired, but just a bit.

The comment instantly made Gokudera's cheeks flushed deep red... this was humiliating!

...but at the same time he couldn't really say he disliked it.

And obviously nor could his sister. She giggled at the comment, throwing a coy smirk at her brother.

"Isn't he just?"

Hayato simply huffed and pretended he didn't hear anything... until Bianchi pulled something out of the box... and sudden;y looked very amused, "Oh~ I remember this~"

She leaned over to Ryuutaro to show him a picture of her and Hayato as children... or more appropriately- she was a child, Hayato was a baby. She was knelt on the floor next to the infant Hayato, with a proud smile on her face and a marker in her hand.

Hayato on the other hand just had a somewhat vacant and dumbfounded stare, oblivious to the mass of doodling that had just occurred all over him.

Ryuutaro's reaction wasn't easily classified as a specified feeling. For one he was a tiny bit amused, but then again he could never approve of such disgrace being brought upon Hayato caused by anybody else.
His mixed and mostly negative feelings about families right now were stumbling around above each other.
"Seems like you had a lot of fun", he commented out loud and it could basically mean anything from 'How dare you do that' to 'that day history was made'.
Ryuutaro didn't exactly feel like being more personal so he kept up a basic smile.

"Give me that!" Hayato reached forward to snatch the picture from his sister's hand to look at it, his expression? Priceless as always. "W-who the fuck even took this?!"

Bianchi chuckled, it was good to see that her brother was feeling well enough to put up this much of a fuss despite all that's happened. "Our nanny, you remember her, don't you?"

Gokudera nodded a bit before dumping the picture back into the box, and started rummaging around some more, huffing like a child.

"Hayato, Fukami-kun, when you two think you're ready to move, I've informed the Ninth of the situation and he's already made sure everything was prepared for your arrival. All you have to do is say the word."

Gokudera's eyes widened and his cheeks flushed, "Th-the Ninth? And he's... okay with everything?"

Bianchi nodded, "Of course, he's worried, and a bit baffled about how you got from Japan to Italy so quickly, but that's all." She let out a sigh and glanced towards the door as she flipped some hair over her shoulder, "I would, in my humble opinion, advise you to take the offer sooner rather than later. A pit of alligators would feel more welcoming than this place."

Then again, she did sort of just waltz in, poisoned Shamal, and made her way to her brother and threatened to melt off anyone's face if they tried to stop her.

The Ninth? Ryuutaro was pretty sure that he hadn't only had enough of families for a lifetime but also of mafia and any other sort of organized crime. He just wanted to leave all that behind and move on. But then again that man had saved Hayato's life and given him the option of turning into the boy Ryuutaro was now in love with, so he owed him gratitude for it. Supposedly they were much better off there than here.

Though at Bianchi's comment he had to hold back a huff. "Please don't pay that any mind."
He sounded bitter. His father was obviously lower than him, or at least Ryuutaro thought so. All fathers in this world were lowlifes. It would take a while for this believe to soften again. Especially now, running on only a few naps and no real sleep, Ryuutaro was extremely unforgiving.

"But I have to agree, staying longer than necessary wouldn't be the most fortunate decision."

Gokudera looked from his sister to his boyfriend, then nodded in agreement. If that was what Ryuutaro thought was for the best, then he would follow suit. He knew Ryuutaro's father stressed him out a lot too... and he really didn't need that right now. He had some things he wanted to say to Nobuhiro in private before hand... just so that they could reach some sort of an understanding.

"I think I can walk for a bit... if you want to try and go now? There's just... something I gotta say to Nobuhiro first. I-is that okay Tesoro?"

Bianchi gave a nod, taking the box and starting to pack it up, "I'll bring this back down to the car, I'll bring you up a clean shirt to wear."

Ryuutaro just stared at Hayato for a good number of moments. He wanted to talk.. to his father? To any father?!
Ryuutaro thought it was a horrible idea. He knew what his parents could do to Hayato and he didn't want that... he couldn't see him like that, he didn't want him to vanish, he just couldn't..

"A-are you sure?"

In truth he wanted to lock his boyfriend in a cage and never let anybody else touch him again. This world was cruel. People were cruel. Those were facts. And Hayato wanted to go and talk to his father.
Why?
Why..?

"W-well, it is your decision..."

Hayato waited until Bianchi left to continue. He gave a slight smile, and a nod. He knew that right now he was vulnerable, and weak, and he could just be crushed with hardly any effort at all. But he needed to do this. It was long overdue. He had finally made love to his boyfriend. Ryuutaro was his just as much as he was Ryuutaro's. They weren't going to leave each other. So, he needed to confront Nobuhiro like a man.

"I am. I don't know if I'll get a chance to see him again after this... and I need to settle somethin' with him."

He carefully removed the IV drip from his arm, and put a bit of pressure on it for a moment to stop the bleeding... he really needed more blood loss like he needed a hole in his head.

"Could you... help me get up? This won't take long, then we can leave, okay?"

What could he possibly have to say to that man? Ryuutaro didn't understand, but when it came down to families there were a thousand things he didn't understand. Even if he could grasp the concepts, the emotional reasoning remained entirely unfamiliar to him.

"If you say so..."
'Promise you don't disappear' was something he wanted to say but didn't. It would've been a silly and childish thing.
Instead he helped his boyfriend in silence, worry still obvious on this face.

With Ryuutaro's aide, the teen managed to struggle to his feet. He had to pause and close his eyes, gripping Ryuutaro tightly as he waited for the wave of vertigo to pass. After a few deep breaths, adjusting to the feeling of being on his feet, as well as the throbbing ache in his side, he managed to pull away and stand on his own.

Though the first thing he did was lean forward to kiss the boy he loved, "I'll be right back, I promise."

And slowly he makes his way out of the bedroom, hand on his side in an attempt to keep his injury still while he walked. He shouldn't be on his feet and he knew it... but he's done dumber things. He'll live. He looked about the rooms, hoping Ryuutaro's father was nearby at least.

"Nobuhiro?"

Ryuutaro anxiously watched as Hayato left, trying to keep him in sight as long as he possibly could.

Hayato was lucky though. Nobuhiro had been lingering about. The entire situation had left him extremely stressed and he wasn't quite sure how to handle this. The yakuza business was easy compared to dealing with his son and his... boyfriend.
So he faced Hayato, looking blank. That boy had just got shot and while he didn't feel much pity, he at least had a basic understanding for the level of hurt this must have caused, physically and emotionally.
"What is it?"
He didn't actually want to talk to this boy, but it looked like he had no choice.

The teen could instantly feel his face grow pale, and his forehead break out in a sweat, and his stomach twist into a knot. He was afraid. Terrified even. Making eye contact was hard, he could feel his hands trembling slightly, he was getting dizzy... maybe this was a bad idea after all? Maybe he was pushing himself too hard? He wanted to sit down... or even... just curl up and hide away from the man he knew loathed him so...

But this was about him and Ryuutaro. He needed to stay strong for him.

So after a few moments of just taking deep breaths, and trying to swallow the nervous lump in his throat away, he looks up at Nobuhiro.

"I need to talk to you about somethin'."

The boy looked like he was about to fall to pieces, but Nobuhiro wasn't about to let that affect him overly much. He didn't become yakuza for nothing.

"Alright then."
He stepped into the room behind him and pointed to the tatami mats as he settled himself on his knees. This was the only bit of comfort he would allow Hayato, but supposedly it was kind of hard to speak and stand at the same time, in such a condition.
"Go ahead."

It took Hayato a moment to try and ease himself down on the floor, trying to avoid agitating the injury as much as he could, with minimal success, but to Shamal's credit, the stitching held and the wound didn't reopen at least. Besides... pain was something he was used to tolerating... and it was almost easier to deal with than trying to form the words he was about to say. He took a deep breath and gathered his courage to look Nobuhiro in the eye.

"I... I know you don't like me, you think I'm a mistake... and I know that's probably not goin' to ever change. A-and I... I don't blame you... I know what I'm like better than anyone else. I know I'm... I'm damaged goods... a-and I'm all messed up, and well... I am a mistake." He took a deep breath and looked Nobuhiro right in the eye, "But I'm not goin' to break up with Ryuutaro. I love him, and he loves me too. If we split up, then that would hurt him, and I'll never do anything to hurt him. I can promise you, at least, that I'll always protect him. Nothin' will ever hurt him so long as I can help it. But that means I can't die either, so you're stuck with me, like it or not."

He looked down and off to the side, a light blush spread across his cheeks though his expression was a melancholy one, "So you can... do whatever you want... yell at me, hit me, shoot me, or whatever... I know what you and Kimiko think of me... a-and I'll understand. But even with the arguments we've had in the past... I... I've always liked you. I wish... I could have had parents like you..." There was a small bitter smile, and he still refused to look up at Nobuhiro, "I don't expect y-you to change how you feel or anythin' like that... I mean... I gave up on bein' liked by a family a while ago... i-i-it was just really nice to see someone who went after their kid after they ran away a-and... e-even after you found out h-he was gay... a-and dating someone like me..."

He had to pause and swallow again, the flush of embarrassment now turning to the red face of one trying to hold back tears, he even started to fidget with his hands on his lap a bit, "It just... made me glad to know... that parents could be like that rather than... w-well, you saw what happened... And y-you still helped me too... even after all of this... s-so... I-I just wanted to thank you... I-"

His voice cracked and he looked off to the side, doing everything he could to try and hold himself together. He took another breath, but didn't turn his head back to Nobuhiro, "I-I'm s-sorry... I'm rambling..."

This whole speech had been so much more coherent in his head, but then again, his head was about as busted up as his body at this point.

He took a deep breath and tensed up, bracing himself for whatever Nobuhiro would do. He honestly was expecting to at least get hit. While Nobuhiro obviously never raised a hand to his son... he wasn't his son. He wasn't anybody's anymore... and he really had just come to expect violent reactions out of people. There weren't many people who had proved that wrong after all.

Edited 2012-05-08 16:14 (UTC)

'What kind of speech is this supposed to be?', Nobuhiro idly wondered as Hayato began to speak, but then he started to listen carefully. At the words 'and he loves me, too' he almost looked off to the side, but only almost. Love from Ryuutaro was a thing he could never expect, as much as that hurt.

At the end of Hayato's speech, Nobuhiro sat in silence, just collecting his thoughts. Objectively thinking what he just heard was doubtlessly the saddest thing. A boy who had just been shot by his own father saying he liked the way this family was. It was confusing. Much like Ryuutaro he couldn't just understand such sentiments from people who were almost strangers.
Nobuhiro cleared his throat. The thought of hitting Hayato didn't even cross his mind though. He didn't use violence, not himself, and it was exactly what had brought him where he was. The respect he got, the fear he received... They were because nobody actually knew what he could do, but his arrogance and confidence had to be founded in something, right?

"Seeing how honest you were with me, I suppose, you at least deserve honesty from me in return."
He wasn't going to make this any sweeter than his thoughts, but he didn't feel like being unnecessarily hurtful either.
"What you said about this family is flattering, but I don't think Ryuutaro agrees with you. Even if we did accept you, it would only make matters worse. I don't want this to be true, but I won't lie to myself either. What you talk about... 'love' from Ryuutaro, in whatever way it may be, is an unattainable thing for me. Now that I've realized this, it would be unfair to Ryuutaro to say it is you who has taken him away."
Once again, he himself wasn't sure if he was taking at least one blame of Hayato or just telling him that he wasn't important enough to play a role in this business.

"As about this... it's for Ryuutaro's sake. You said it well. If you were to die, then it would hurt him and he would hate me... that is a thing I can not let happen."
It was bad enough to have Ryuutaro feel so neutral and empty towards him, but hatred? He wouldn't be able to bear it, even though he knew he was close to receiving just that.
"But 'nothing will hurt him'? I am sorry, but that is something I cannot believe you at all. This is not just about protecting his body. You will only turn him into a lifeless doll."
Even someone seemingly superficial as him could understand that it meant nothing to keep Ryuutaro's body safe and pretty if he got broken inside.
"Have you looked him in the eyes before you came here? If you have, can you believe for a second that you've not let him get hurt?`"

He cleared his throat again, changing his tone back to a less passionate and more flat one.

"Even so, I can tolerate you. It's as you said, there is no way I could get rid of you as it is now and that's not what I want either."
Because when it came to protecting Ryuutaro they were both nothing but failures.

"...Your still his father, a-and I know you have a hard time gettin' along... but if something happened to you, or if you disowned him... he would be upset. That means somethin'... I-I think." He scratched the back of his head, it meant that in some way, shape, or form he did matter to Ryuutaro... even if he was at his wit's end right now. Getting abandoned would hurt him, he knew it. What Ryuutaro wanted was to be let go, it was very different from having the people who brought you into the world and supposedly obliged to love you turn there backs and deem you worthless, "I-I mean, I don't always understand how Ryuutaro sees family... I-I just know that, well, y-you should have more faith in his decisions! He's not a fragile glass doll, he's strong... stronger than I am in a lot of ways. I-if you let him go, then it will be easier for him to come back."

He bit the inside of his cheek a bit, "It's hard... but it's what makes him happy. That's what's most important. Try it, you'll see... and, well... I'd... like to come visit, for holidays and stuff- if Ryuutaro's up to it. That is what you're supposed to do in a family right? I'd just... like to see what it's like."

He really did want Ryuutaro to have a relationship with his parents after all. Even if he wasn't allowed to be part of it. He just didn't want Ryuutaro to grow up and look back on everything and regret not at least... knowing his family. He knew what that was like all too well, and he wanted to make sure Ryuutaro never had to go through it. Family was important. Especially if they love you.

At the next part he tensed up and and looked down and off to the side. He knew Ryuutaro was in bad shape, even if he had been pretty out of it himself it was just common sense.

"I-I know... h-he's not okay right now, but he will be. He's strong like that, he has been as long as I've known him." He sighed and placed his hand over the bandaging on his side, looking up at Nobuhiro, "It was the best I could do. That bullet was meant for him, I just... goaded my fa-" He winced a bit, right. He wasn't his father anymore, "Th-that man, to shoot me instead. I knew I could take it, I've been shot before... and I knew I would live. You would have done the same thing if you were in my place too, wouldn't you?"

He slumps a bit, the weight of his failure in keeping Ryuutaro happy crashing down on him. Even knowing it was the better of two options...

"But you're right... I did still hurt him... I-I didn't think I'd run into that man here... I-I just wanted to see my mom... A-and Ryuutaro was so happy this morning! We both were! I-it was so nice... B-but then I messed up, I should have... I should have made the first move against my father! I had my weapons drawn! I just hesitated... I-I didn't think he would actually... a-and h-he... he's my father..." He swallowed again and ran a hand through his hair. He felt so pathetic, he should have done a better job. He should have been smarter. He was supposed to keep Ryuutaro happy! Now look at how badly he messed up! "Well... he was I guess it was a stupid reason for me to hesitate..."

It was strange to see another person more faithful in his relationship to Ryuutaro than he himself had. It was almost sad how much he had lost believe that things with his son would ever turn back right... if they had been right to begin with. He didn't want to see his mistakes, but he could see the way Ryuutaro looked at him just too clearly to ignore it.

"That's beside the point!", he roughly got Gokudera's self-blaming off. "Musing about what could have done differently doesn't make any difference right here and now, so you should end that right now."
Nobuhiro let out a sigh, almost seeming exhausted.
"... Ryuutaro's strong, huh? I'm not surprised. But he's still a child and he has not grown up like you. I ensured he would never witness anything this cruel, so that he wouldn't get used to it. It's not about what you have done or not done, that's past. I want to know what you can do from now on to ensure his well-being."

The teen jumped a little at the harsh tone, but then nodded at the scolding, his cheeks momentarily heating up from the shame and embarrassment. He recovered quickly however, ready to answer Nobuhiro's questions.

"I... I tried that too. I wanted to hide him away and make sure nothing bad ever happened to him, and I wanted to make sure he never had to see the things I have. There were a lot of times I tried to pull away, because I know I'm not good. But... he got mad at me. So... I let him decide... because he's strong enough to make his own decision, and he still wanted me. It was hard at first. There were times I thought he hated me... but he was strong, just like always. And I did my best too. I've given him my everything."

Gokudera smiled the more he spoke, just lighting up as he talked about his feeling for the boy he loved. It always made him happy. And why wouldn't it? He was loved by such a special boy, who wanted him. Him of all people.

"And he's not a child anymore, neither of us are. We're men and we can make our own choices now."

The teen wouldn't step down from that point of view. After the night before last, they were both men now, not boys. They may be young, but they were men.

"What I can do... is be by his side. Make sure no one ever lays a hand on him. I'll be strong for him the best way I can and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he's as happy. And, I'll never hold him back... even if it means he wants me to go away. I love him that much." Again, Hayato's eyes started to water but this time for a very, very different reason from earlier, "He's... the first person to tell me that he loved me."

And for that, Hayato felt he owed Ryuutaro his very existence. The only thing he had to share it with was the Vongola, which he knew Ryuutaro didn't like, but at this point Gokudera knew he could not survive without one or the other. He trusted that Ryuutaro wouldn't make him choose between his home and his love.

The teen presses his palm to his eyes to rub away the tears before they fell, which just spread the moisture around his eyes, but it kept his cheeks dry at least.

"A-and... someday... if it's possible... I want to ask him if he'll let me spend the rest of my life with him. I know... that I won't be able to fall in love with anyone else."

Nobuhiro had to disagree, silently. They were just children, nothing but that. No matter what this boy had seen and lived through, neither he nor Ryuutaro were grown up in Nobuhiro's eyes.
But he didn't comment on it yet and instead just listened on. Those were a lot of feelings. Against his will, Nobuhiro started to actually believe this boy was genuinely willing to do anything for Ryuutaro.
It had been clear enough the first time they met, but still he had wanted to think that this kid wasn't worthy, that he would betray Ryuutaro.
Right now it sounded like he'd kiss the ground his son walked on though.

It put him into a terribly awkward situation. Because he could see all this devotion, practically taste it and yet, for his own, irrational reasons, he didn't want to accept it.
But he wasn't the kind of person who would proceed to be hateful without anything backing his recent claims up.

He certainly didn't really want to see Ryuutaro spend the rest of his life with this boy. They were just children... and yet he could somehow believe how deadly serious this kid was about his wish.
"I'd be lying to say I was comfortable with this... But if you think you can actually get a promise for a lifetime out of him, then try."

Gokudera twinged a bit when Nobuhiro admitted his discomfort about him being with Ryuutaro, despite claiming multiple times that he wasn't expecting it to be any other way... but he had been hoping. He tried not to, because like this time had, it always hurt, but he couldn't help it. It was futile, he knew, he could never be accepted into a family. His own father had shot him after all. If his own family couldn't care about him, then how could another's?

But the last line got him to look up at Nobuhiro, blinking a bit in surprise. That almost sounded like he was... telling him it was okay...

H-he... just... gave him his blessing?

Hayato nodded eagerly, "I will. When the time is right, I will."

Nobuhiro felt like he just made a terribly mistake, but then again he knew very well that even without his approval, or kind-of-approval, these things would be happening. It was better to keep up an illusion of him still having any sort of control left.
Besides, he didn't really think Ryuutaro would ever make a promise for such a long period of time anyway.

"Well then. Was that all?"
He really did want to stop this brain-breaking conversation now. It was exhausting and would lead to nothing good.

"Y-yeah, that's all. Thank you." Gokudera gave a grateful bow of his head, before starting to struggle to stand up. He took a deep breath and tried to push himself up on his knee but wobbled and had to sit back down again. His cheeks flushed from the embarrassment or being too weak for such a simple motion after claiming he would be strong for his boyfriend.

Without waiting for any kind of response, or giving himself a minute to recuperate, he quickly forced himself back on his feet, regardless of any pain from his injury. Naturally, it was a stupid move. The moment he got up to his feet he could feel the blood rush from his head, leaving him dizzy. He stumbled and reached out for anything nearby to catch himself as he knew he was going to fall otherwise.

Nobuhiro had been getting up himself, watching Hayato's struggle from above. The kid was in a bad condition. The more he was trying to not let it show, the more obvious it was to Nobuhiro. Silly.

In the second he had to react when Hayato stumbled, Nobuhiro contemplated just letting the kid fall down to the ground again, but then he decided against it. Instead he took a step over and steadied Hayato a bit, just a bit, with an unreadable expression.
It wasn't anything he did out of compassion or liking, but more of a sign showing how superior he was in every way. It was silly to have these silent battles with a child and that was why he would make no comment, the knowledge was just for himself.

The teen squinted his eyes shut, his forehead coating in sweat, just swayed there for a moment until his head leveled out and the feeling of vertigo faded. But when he looked up was who had kept his from falling, his eyes widen face goes from pale to burning red. He quickly pulled away, but not quick as to appear disgusted (more like very, very, flustered).

"I-I'm sorry! ThankyoubutIshouldreallygobacktoRyuutaronow." He bowed, but then winced. Right. Bowing with a hole in your side is a thing that hurts. Still, he's quick to make himself scarce... well, as quick as he can be given his condition. So he hobbles back to the room they shared and just looked at his boyfriend for a moment...

Then a big smile spread across his face. He walked over and just wrapped his arms around him in a hug. He was so happy... it was worth going through what he did... Nobuhiro still didn't like him... but he could move forward with Ryuutaro and not fear being cast out from his family because of it.

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Because this icon is somehow relevant to thread...

It so totes is okay!? XD

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