andsuddenlydynamite | (no subject)

It took Hayato a moment to try and ease himself down on the floor, trying to avoid agitating the injury as much as he could, with minimal success, but to Shamal's credit, the stitching held and the wound didn't reopen at least. Besides... pain was something he was used to tolerating... and it was almost easier to deal with than trying to form the words he was about to say. He took a deep breath and gathered his courage to look Nobuhiro in the eye.

"I... I know you don't like me, you think I'm a mistake... and I know that's probably not goin' to ever change. A-and I... I don't blame you... I know what I'm like better than anyone else. I know I'm... I'm damaged goods... a-and I'm all messed up, and well... I am a mistake." He took a deep breath and looked Nobuhiro right in the eye, "But I'm not goin' to break up with Ryuutaro. I love him, and he loves me too. If we split up, then that would hurt him, and I'll never do anything to hurt him. I can promise you, at least, that I'll always protect him. Nothin' will ever hurt him so long as I can help it. But that means I can't die either, so you're stuck with me, like it or not."

He looked down and off to the side, a light blush spread across his cheeks though his expression was a melancholy one, "So you can... do whatever you want... yell at me, hit me, shoot me, or whatever... I know what you and Kimiko think of me... a-and I'll understand. But even with the arguments we've had in the past... I... I've always liked you. I wish... I could have had parents like you..." There was a small bitter smile, and he still refused to look up at Nobuhiro, "I don't expect y-you to change how you feel or anythin' like that... I mean... I gave up on bein' liked by a family a while ago... i-i-it was just really nice to see someone who went after their kid after they ran away a-and... e-even after you found out h-he was gay... a-and dating someone like me..."

He had to pause and swallow again, the flush of embarrassment now turning to the red face of one trying to hold back tears, he even started to fidget with his hands on his lap a bit, "It just... made me glad to know... that parents could be like that rather than... w-well, you saw what happened... And y-you still helped me too... even after all of this... s-so... I-I just wanted to thank you... I-"

His voice cracked and he looked off to the side, doing everything he could to try and hold himself together. He took another breath, but didn't turn his head back to Nobuhiro, "I-I'm s-sorry... I'm rambling..."

This whole speech had been so much more coherent in his head, but then again, his head was about as busted up as his body at this point.

He took a deep breath and tensed up, bracing himself for whatever Nobuhiro would do. He honestly was expecting to at least get hit. While Nobuhiro obviously never raised a hand to his son... he wasn't his son. He wasn't anybody's anymore... and he really had just come to expect violent reactions out of people. There weren't many people who had proved that wrong after all.

Edited 2012-05-08 16:14 (UTC)

'What kind of speech is this supposed to be?', Nobuhiro idly wondered as Hayato began to speak, but then he started to listen carefully. At the words 'and he loves me, too' he almost looked off to the side, but only almost. Love from Ryuutaro was a thing he could never expect, as much as that hurt.

At the end of Hayato's speech, Nobuhiro sat in silence, just collecting his thoughts. Objectively thinking what he just heard was doubtlessly the saddest thing. A boy who had just been shot by his own father saying he liked the way this family was. It was confusing. Much like Ryuutaro he couldn't just understand such sentiments from people who were almost strangers.
Nobuhiro cleared his throat. The thought of hitting Hayato didn't even cross his mind though. He didn't use violence, not himself, and it was exactly what had brought him where he was. The respect he got, the fear he received... They were because nobody actually knew what he could do, but his arrogance and confidence had to be founded in something, right?

"Seeing how honest you were with me, I suppose, you at least deserve honesty from me in return."
He wasn't going to make this any sweeter than his thoughts, but he didn't feel like being unnecessarily hurtful either.
"What you said about this family is flattering, but I don't think Ryuutaro agrees with you. Even if we did accept you, it would only make matters worse. I don't want this to be true, but I won't lie to myself either. What you talk about... 'love' from Ryuutaro, in whatever way it may be, is an unattainable thing for me. Now that I've realized this, it would be unfair to Ryuutaro to say it is you who has taken him away."
Once again, he himself wasn't sure if he was taking at least one blame of Hayato or just telling him that he wasn't important enough to play a role in this business.

"As about this... it's for Ryuutaro's sake. You said it well. If you were to die, then it would hurt him and he would hate me... that is a thing I can not let happen."
It was bad enough to have Ryuutaro feel so neutral and empty towards him, but hatred? He wouldn't be able to bear it, even though he knew he was close to receiving just that.
"But 'nothing will hurt him'? I am sorry, but that is something I cannot believe you at all. This is not just about protecting his body. You will only turn him into a lifeless doll."
Even someone seemingly superficial as him could understand that it meant nothing to keep Ryuutaro's body safe and pretty if he got broken inside.
"Have you looked him in the eyes before you came here? If you have, can you believe for a second that you've not let him get hurt?`"

He cleared his throat again, changing his tone back to a less passionate and more flat one.

"Even so, I can tolerate you. It's as you said, there is no way I could get rid of you as it is now and that's not what I want either."
Because when it came to protecting Ryuutaro they were both nothing but failures.

"...Your still his father, a-and I know you have a hard time gettin' along... but if something happened to you, or if you disowned him... he would be upset. That means somethin'... I-I think." He scratched the back of his head, it meant that in some way, shape, or form he did matter to Ryuutaro... even if he was at his wit's end right now. Getting abandoned would hurt him, he knew it. What Ryuutaro wanted was to be let go, it was very different from having the people who brought you into the world and supposedly obliged to love you turn there backs and deem you worthless, "I-I mean, I don't always understand how Ryuutaro sees family... I-I just know that, well, y-you should have more faith in his decisions! He's not a fragile glass doll, he's strong... stronger than I am in a lot of ways. I-if you let him go, then it will be easier for him to come back."

He bit the inside of his cheek a bit, "It's hard... but it's what makes him happy. That's what's most important. Try it, you'll see... and, well... I'd... like to come visit, for holidays and stuff- if Ryuutaro's up to it. That is what you're supposed to do in a family right? I'd just... like to see what it's like."

He really did want Ryuutaro to have a relationship with his parents after all. Even if he wasn't allowed to be part of it. He just didn't want Ryuutaro to grow up and look back on everything and regret not at least... knowing his family. He knew what that was like all too well, and he wanted to make sure Ryuutaro never had to go through it. Family was important. Especially if they love you.

At the next part he tensed up and and looked down and off to the side. He knew Ryuutaro was in bad shape, even if he had been pretty out of it himself it was just common sense.

"I-I know... h-he's not okay right now, but he will be. He's strong like that, he has been as long as I've known him." He sighed and placed his hand over the bandaging on his side, looking up at Nobuhiro, "It was the best I could do. That bullet was meant for him, I just... goaded my fa-" He winced a bit, right. He wasn't his father anymore, "Th-that man, to shoot me instead. I knew I could take it, I've been shot before... and I knew I would live. You would have done the same thing if you were in my place too, wouldn't you?"

He slumps a bit, the weight of his failure in keeping Ryuutaro happy crashing down on him. Even knowing it was the better of two options...

"But you're right... I did still hurt him... I-I didn't think I'd run into that man here... I-I just wanted to see my mom... A-and Ryuutaro was so happy this morning! We both were! I-it was so nice... B-but then I messed up, I should have... I should have made the first move against my father! I had my weapons drawn! I just hesitated... I-I didn't think he would actually... a-and h-he... he's my father..." He swallowed again and ran a hand through his hair. He felt so pathetic, he should have done a better job. He should have been smarter. He was supposed to keep Ryuutaro happy! Now look at how badly he messed up! "Well... he was I guess it was a stupid reason for me to hesitate..."

It was strange to see another person more faithful in his relationship to Ryuutaro than he himself had. It was almost sad how much he had lost believe that things with his son would ever turn back right... if they had been right to begin with. He didn't want to see his mistakes, but he could see the way Ryuutaro looked at him just too clearly to ignore it.

"That's beside the point!", he roughly got Gokudera's self-blaming off. "Musing about what could have done differently doesn't make any difference right here and now, so you should end that right now."
Nobuhiro let out a sigh, almost seeming exhausted.
"... Ryuutaro's strong, huh? I'm not surprised. But he's still a child and he has not grown up like you. I ensured he would never witness anything this cruel, so that he wouldn't get used to it. It's not about what you have done or not done, that's past. I want to know what you can do from now on to ensure his well-being."

The teen jumped a little at the harsh tone, but then nodded at the scolding, his cheeks momentarily heating up from the shame and embarrassment. He recovered quickly however, ready to answer Nobuhiro's questions.

"I... I tried that too. I wanted to hide him away and make sure nothing bad ever happened to him, and I wanted to make sure he never had to see the things I have. There were a lot of times I tried to pull away, because I know I'm not good. But... he got mad at me. So... I let him decide... because he's strong enough to make his own decision, and he still wanted me. It was hard at first. There were times I thought he hated me... but he was strong, just like always. And I did my best too. I've given him my everything."

Gokudera smiled the more he spoke, just lighting up as he talked about his feeling for the boy he loved. It always made him happy. And why wouldn't it? He was loved by such a special boy, who wanted him. Him of all people.

"And he's not a child anymore, neither of us are. We're men and we can make our own choices now."

The teen wouldn't step down from that point of view. After the night before last, they were both men now, not boys. They may be young, but they were men.

"What I can do... is be by his side. Make sure no one ever lays a hand on him. I'll be strong for him the best way I can and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he's as happy. And, I'll never hold him back... even if it means he wants me to go away. I love him that much." Again, Hayato's eyes started to water but this time for a very, very different reason from earlier, "He's... the first person to tell me that he loved me."

And for that, Hayato felt he owed Ryuutaro his very existence. The only thing he had to share it with was the Vongola, which he knew Ryuutaro didn't like, but at this point Gokudera knew he could not survive without one or the other. He trusted that Ryuutaro wouldn't make him choose between his home and his love.

The teen presses his palm to his eyes to rub away the tears before they fell, which just spread the moisture around his eyes, but it kept his cheeks dry at least.

"A-and... someday... if it's possible... I want to ask him if he'll let me spend the rest of my life with him. I know... that I won't be able to fall in love with anyone else."

Nobuhiro had to disagree, silently. They were just children, nothing but that. No matter what this boy had seen and lived through, neither he nor Ryuutaro were grown up in Nobuhiro's eyes.
But he didn't comment on it yet and instead just listened on. Those were a lot of feelings. Against his will, Nobuhiro started to actually believe this boy was genuinely willing to do anything for Ryuutaro.
It had been clear enough the first time they met, but still he had wanted to think that this kid wasn't worthy, that he would betray Ryuutaro.
Right now it sounded like he'd kiss the ground his son walked on though.

It put him into a terribly awkward situation. Because he could see all this devotion, practically taste it and yet, for his own, irrational reasons, he didn't want to accept it.
But he wasn't the kind of person who would proceed to be hateful without anything backing his recent claims up.

He certainly didn't really want to see Ryuutaro spend the rest of his life with this boy. They were just children... and yet he could somehow believe how deadly serious this kid was about his wish.
"I'd be lying to say I was comfortable with this... But if you think you can actually get a promise for a lifetime out of him, then try."

Gokudera twinged a bit when Nobuhiro admitted his discomfort about him being with Ryuutaro, despite claiming multiple times that he wasn't expecting it to be any other way... but he had been hoping. He tried not to, because like this time had, it always hurt, but he couldn't help it. It was futile, he knew, he could never be accepted into a family. His own father had shot him after all. If his own family couldn't care about him, then how could another's?

But the last line got him to look up at Nobuhiro, blinking a bit in surprise. That almost sounded like he was... telling him it was okay...

H-he... just... gave him his blessing?

Hayato nodded eagerly, "I will. When the time is right, I will."

Nobuhiro felt like he just made a terribly mistake, but then again he knew very well that even without his approval, or kind-of-approval, these things would be happening. It was better to keep up an illusion of him still having any sort of control left.
Besides, he didn't really think Ryuutaro would ever make a promise for such a long period of time anyway.

"Well then. Was that all?"
He really did want to stop this brain-breaking conversation now. It was exhausting and would lead to nothing good.

"Y-yeah, that's all. Thank you." Gokudera gave a grateful bow of his head, before starting to struggle to stand up. He took a deep breath and tried to push himself up on his knee but wobbled and had to sit back down again. His cheeks flushed from the embarrassment or being too weak for such a simple motion after claiming he would be strong for his boyfriend.

Without waiting for any kind of response, or giving himself a minute to recuperate, he quickly forced himself back on his feet, regardless of any pain from his injury. Naturally, it was a stupid move. The moment he got up to his feet he could feel the blood rush from his head, leaving him dizzy. He stumbled and reached out for anything nearby to catch himself as he knew he was going to fall otherwise.

Nobuhiro had been getting up himself, watching Hayato's struggle from above. The kid was in a bad condition. The more he was trying to not let it show, the more obvious it was to Nobuhiro. Silly.

In the second he had to react when Hayato stumbled, Nobuhiro contemplated just letting the kid fall down to the ground again, but then he decided against it. Instead he took a step over and steadied Hayato a bit, just a bit, with an unreadable expression.
It wasn't anything he did out of compassion or liking, but more of a sign showing how superior he was in every way. It was silly to have these silent battles with a child and that was why he would make no comment, the knowledge was just for himself.

The teen squinted his eyes shut, his forehead coating in sweat, just swayed there for a moment until his head leveled out and the feeling of vertigo faded. But when he looked up was who had kept his from falling, his eyes widen face goes from pale to burning red. He quickly pulled away, but not quick as to appear disgusted (more like very, very, flustered).

"I-I'm sorry! ThankyoubutIshouldreallygobacktoRyuutaronow." He bowed, but then winced. Right. Bowing with a hole in your side is a thing that hurts. Still, he's quick to make himself scarce... well, as quick as he can be given his condition. So he hobbles back to the room they shared and just looked at his boyfriend for a moment...

Then a big smile spread across his face. He walked over and just wrapped his arms around him in a hug. He was so happy... it was worth going through what he did... Nobuhiro still didn't like him... but he could move forward with Ryuutaro and not fear being cast out from his family because of it.

Ryuutaro let out a sigh of relief as Hayato came back in and seemed to be okay, too. The longer he'd been gone the more worried he was getting. He was terrified of what his father could do to Hayato, emotionally. Not to mention that he still didn't like letting Hayato out of sight again. If he wasn't in sight he could vanish... and that.. he couldn't let it happen.

Ryuutaro leaned against Hayato's shoulder silently for a moment. He was trying hard not to let his former and current worry be seen too much.
"What did you talk about...?"

Gokudera leaned his head down so the tip of his nose touched Ryuutaro's.

"How much I love you." He leaned forward to press his lips against his boyfriend's for a moment, then pulled back, but kept their faces close, "He said... that... it's okay."

He brought his hand to Ryuutaro's face, cupping his cheek and gazing into his eyes... he really did look tired. He couldn't wait until they got to the Vongola base, where they could both get more rest.

His father.. had said that? It seemed strange to Ryuutaro, but he didn't really think Hayato would lie to him either. Still, Ryuutaro was confused. But also way too exhausted to think about it too much. It was already giving him a headache.

"That's... really good news... Although I'd wonder how you made him say that..."

He smiled tiredly. Whatever... it was the first bit of good news they had had this afternoon, even though he still felt hateful about families and failed to see how approval would matter in any way.

"I just told him the truth." ...and kind of just poured his heart out to him, but that would be embarrassing to admit.

The little moment was interrupted, however, by Bianchi holding a clean shirt for her brother. "Hayato, here, we should head out quickly, you shouldn't be on your feet."

Hayato turned and gave a little nod, taking the shirt and putting it on.... it was large. The teen's face instantly soured. "This is Shamal's ain't it?"

Bianchi chuckled a bit and turned to lead the way out of the room, "It is, but it's better than you walking through the streets without a shirt in your condition."

"I ain't gonna just fall apart!" he growled, "I've had worse!"

And as they walked out, a finally recovered Shamal made an appearance, and draped an arm around Hayato's shoulders, "Oh, come on, not going to give me any credit for my heroic efforts dropping everything to come and rescue my little pupil~"

Hayato instantly slammed his elbow into the grown man's side, to get him off, "DAMMIT GET OFF ME OLD MAN! YOU SMELL LIKE CHEEP BOOZE AND FRENCH WHORES"

"Hmmm..."Bianchi mused almost to herself, "desperation and poor life choices. So very fitting~"

She watched the two bicker momentarily, glad to see Hayato being his fiery usual self, but she didn't like the idea of him going too far either. She turned to Ryuutaro, "If you could get Hayato, I'll take care of Shamal. As nice as it is to see the children playing together..."

...and she is unwrapping a morsel of food from her pocket....

Ryuutaro raised an eyebrow at the food. He'd heard enough stories by now to know where this was going. Then he shrugged, opening his fan to clap it shut a second later and gave Bianchi a nod.

He absolutely didn't care whatever she did to Shamal with this food, but he was fairly sure his presence and the fan would be enough to get Hayato off the doctor's case for a moment.
He walked over to tug on his boyfriend's sleeve, get him to turn and confront him with a fan-shush, while Bianchi... would possibly cause Shamal considerable pain, but that was none of his business.
"Hayato, I think you should remember that you're currently recovering from an injury, so you might want to act according to that."

Hayato's eyes widen momentarily and he goes slightly cross-eyed looking at the fan on his lips. Unable to speak he gave a little obedient nod, but at the abrupt 'thud' from behind him, his face soured. He looked over his shoulder and low and behold- Shamal passed out on the ground with on of his sister's concoctions smashed in his face. Without missing a beat, Bianchi grabs Shamal by the ankles and unceremoniously drags him out of the room.

"Hayato, come on, you shouldn't be on your feet for so long!" She called from the halls.

Hayato just stared for a moment, as even he knew just how crazy his sister was. After a sigh and a little shake of his head he started to follow, "I swear if anyone questions why the hell I ran away to live on the streets...."

In his current mindset Ryuutaro barely even twitched at Bianchi's cruelty. He had hit a point where emotional trauma and lack of sleep prevented him from even beginning to care. Admittedly, his sanity argued that this was very weird, but his mind was too tired to mind it.

So he just shrugged lightly and followed along. Being anywhere was better than being here, he supposed.

Bianchi lead them through the halls and down the stairs, paying no mind to Shamal's head as it thunks against the steps. Hayato just continued giving his sister and the limp doctor a look as he eased his way down along with his boyfriend.

Once they got to the car Hayato slowly made his way in, while Bianchi dumped Shamal in the trunk and proceeded to threaten the driver and all his spawn to ensure he would drive safely. Hayato stopped paying any mind to what his sister was doing however. Leaning against his boyfriend was a much nicer thing to focus on. He smiled a little bit. Even after all this chaos... this big mess that happened because of his family, and even despite how much of a wreck he was...

Ryuutaro was still right here by his side.

There was an abrupt little sniff, and then a little laugh, his voice cracked as it was choked out. Then, the tears started to roll down his cheeks again, but the teen's smile never faded. He took Ryuutaro's hand and held it tightly.

"Ryuutaro, I love you..."

Ryuutaro was surprised when Hayato spoke up. Somehow he had expected this to be a very silent way, but maybe it was just because he himself was so tired. But there were really worse things to fill the silence with. More depressing things, disgustingly true things and disgusting misconceptions alike.
The fortune-teller let his thumb brush softly over his boyfriends hand as he replied.

"I love you, too."

He leaned his head back against Hayato's as well and yawned a little.

"It's alright... It's all alright..."
They could stay like this. Well, maybe less tired and less injured, but in the basics they could stay like this. The rest of the world could and should stay out of it.

Gokudera nodded and smiled, closing his eyes and just letting his tears fall. He didn't even notice when his sister entered the car and they started driving off. Instead he was content to drift off to sleep with Ryuutaro resting against him for the entirety of the ride. He hadn't been awake for very long, but apparently he had strained himself enough to completely crash again.

Once they arrived, there were a pair of men waiting on the front steps of a very impressive estate, that made Hayato's father's look like a mere shack in comparison. Bother were old men, one with a cane and a friendly smile, the other wore ~~the traditional storm guardian scowl~~ a rather stern expression.

Bianchi got out first, and greeted both the Ninth and Coyote respectfully, then after a moment returned to see how the boys were doing. If Hayato was still asleep, it would be for the best, he'd put up less of a fuss about being carried in... and to be honest perhaps the same would benefit his boyfriend as well.

With Hayato asleep, Ryuutaro had a hard time staying awake himself. The panic that had come over him when Hayato was shot and he saw him in the middle of all this blood was slowly wearing off. Hayato was here, alive, next to him. Something like... back then... wasn't going to happen again.
He wouldn't let it happen. Even if he had no idea how to actually prevent it.

For now that wasn't important. It was merely important that whatever Ryuutaro did, Hayato wouldn't disappear just right away. If he closed his eyes, the other would be there when he opened them again. He wasn't 100 percent sure, but being both exhausted from a sleepless night and the mental trouble itself, it didn't actually matter anymore.

By the time they reached their destination he was asleep as well, only half-way waking up when Bianchi opened the door.

Very carefully, Bianchi started to move Ryuutaro without disturbing Hayato. Ryuutaro was the smaller of the two, so she would have better luck carrying him, while Coyote got Hayato. The best thing for them would be for them to remain asleep until they arrived at the bedroom, and while she was fairly certain it would take a nothing short of a bomb to wake Hayato up right now, she knew nothing of Ryuutaro aside from the fact that he had appeared exhausted.

Ryuutaro really hated being touched and Ryuutaro really hated getting help like this. Currently he also about hated everybody and anybody. But more than all of that he hated waking up right now. So even if he was half-conscious of what was happening around him, the more graceful solution was pretending to be completely asleep. Because he totally wouldn't let an almost stranger carry him like this when he was not completely knocked out.
But even if he had tried now, he wouldn't have been able to walk himself anyway. And if so then not very elegantly.
So as both options were unpleasant, he settled for the less exhausting one and kept his eyes closed tightly.

The walk was brisk and quiet, only some hushed dialogue between Bianchi, Coyote, and the Ninth about how to handle the boys. It was settled that they be brought to Hayato's old room, which unlike the room at his father's house, had not been changed much since he left for Japan. Though there was not much there, the bookshelf had books on Japanese culture, from language to holidays and customs...

... and of course a tabloid or two on bigfoot, aliens, and other various UMAs.

Other than that, some clothes had been updated for his arrival, but the room was mostly plain. He hadn't been used to keeping much when he lived there.

Coyote lowers Gokudera to the bed, taking off his shoes and stepping back. At the sudden cold, Gokudera reaches about for the warmth Ryuutaro brought with him, settling only once Bianchi laid Ryuutaro next to him. He immediately wrapped his arm around Ryuutaro and nuzzled close.

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Because this icon is somehow relevant to thread...

It so totes is okay!? XD

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Don't mind me, this account is yet to be paid again, so icon madness will ensue

LOL this is going to be very popcorn.gif worthy isn't it? :>c

Probably XD

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