For once Ryuutaro couldn't just melt into Hayato's embrace like he usually would. A sort of tenseness just wouldn't leave his body. He wanted to be cut out for this world so badly, but he knew he wasn't. And now Hayato practically told him to stay a stranger to the place, at least it felt like it.
"If I'm honest, I don't know if I can. But I won't lose myself in any of this, you can be sure I won't."
What Ryuutaro wanted was to make this world his own, get on top again. He needed to, it was his destiny. And for that he'd have to get used to this. He felt as if someone like him who would always stare in shock at seeing too much blood, someone like he was now, would never be respected in a world like this.
Even if Ryuutaro didn't care overly much what people thought of him, that was only when he had some basis of respect and admiration around him.
He'd always put so much effort and hard work into reaching what he wanted, this just needed to continue now.
He loved Hayato more than anything, he knew he would stay with him no matter what, but he couldn't live being 'just' at his side, only a sort of addition to the other boy. He needed to have a name for himself or else he wouldn't have enough breathing space.

"Hayato...? You're starting to somewhat crush me if you hold me so tightly."
Ryuutaro felt odd saying this, but he couldn't hold back. Even if he did his best to make his voice sound light, he felt lost.